Thursday, July 07, 2005

We play callin’, straight ballin’ and free fallin’, yeah, yeah, yeah, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

And the oats. She doesn’t like the oats
Prince Charles’s wife is excited the 2012 Olympics were awarded to London; Camilla Parker Bowles loves the equestrian events; she just hates it when her riders hit her with that riding crop.

Hate that when that happens
In a special “Tour de France” edition of “Sports Illustrated” Lance Armstrong reveals that he relieves himself during a race by simply pulling down his shorts and going; so, occasionally, Lance hits spectators and he feels horrible because sometimes they aren’t French.

How’d they do that?
The Chicago Cubs, Braves game was rained out in Atlanta. It was weird, despite the postponement, the Cubs bullpen still somehow managed to lose the game.

Like a puppy on the fake toss . . .
In Scotland, President Bush fell on his bike for about the fifth time recently; try as hard as he can, Bush is simply a sucker for that classic “Made you look” joke.

Or something like that
T.B.S has a new reality show starring Pauly Shore called “Minding the Store.” Apparently it’s about Pauly’s job at Seven Eleven.

This marks Shore’s fifth or sixth attempt to salvage his career. At some point you have to stop calling them comebacks and start labeling it a cry for help.

Even Roseanne is telling Pauly to give it up.

Not good
Paris was in the 2012 Olympic final hunt but they didn’t get it. The International Olympic Committee just didn’t like the tone of Paris’ Olympic motto, “Get it yourself, nasty tourist.”

Like the fake toss
Yesterday President Bush turned 59. It was cute, Bush falls every time for those birthday candles that won’t blow out.

There is a new alarm clock that wakes you to the smell of frying bacon; this sure beats when I was a kid waking to the smell of Dad emerging from the bathroom with the sports page.

It is National Nude Recreation week. This explains the alarm clock that wakes you to the smell of frying bacon; the last thing you want to do is fry bacon nude.

Pretty damn great
Paris has now been snubbed three times in their Olympic bids. Imagine that? Somebody treating Parisians rudely? How great is that?

Probably for the best
It is National Nude Recreation week. Many Nude Recreational sporting events will be held including volleyball, softball and tennis. Due to a nasty accident last year, however, the men’s high hurdles has been cancelled.

All in all a good day
Today was the running of the bulls in Pamplona Spain. It was nice, there were no severe gorings and now that there is same sex marriage in Spain, one really drunk guy proposed to one of the bulls.

“Uh, no, Sir, it’s, oh forget it . . .”
President Bush said he would not apply a litmus test to determine his nominee for the Supreme Court. When pressed to explain what he thought a litmus test was, Bush said; “Ain’t it one of them pictures with an ink stain all over it.”

The Times they are a changing
A New York Times reporter, Judith Miller, was jailed for refusing to divulge her source. Of course the New York Times is going to protect this source, it’s one of the few they have, otherwise they just make stuff up.

Nice move, Jacques
Before the International Olympic Committee’s vote on the host of the 2012 games, French Prime Minister Jacques Chirac insulted England and Finland. The problem? There were two Finns on the Committee and the games went to London. Even Howard Dean and John Kerry are laughing at Chirac.

San Diego: Since You Asked:
Despite losing three in a row, the San Diego Padres improved their lead in the West to 4 ½ games. The Padres are now like Ron Livingstone’s character, Peter, in “Office Space” No matter how hard he tries to get fired, they keep promoting him.

Lundberg: “Yeah, I’m gonna need you to go ahead and kind of win some games, mmmmkay? That’d be greaaaat.”