Tuesday, June 21, 2005

How y’all feelin’ all ‘dat drama now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

Switched camps
Michael Jackson is in financial trouble. You know that big guy who held the umbrella over Michael’s head? He just quit to go work for Tito.

So mean
The Stage Deli in New York has named a chicken sandwich after Fergie, the Duchess of York; They also named a sandwich after Camilla Parker Bowles. Yeah, it’s chopped liver on toast.

And wine by warm fire places
An article in “GQ” magazine claims former guards claim Saddam Hussein loves Doritos and he hates Fruit Loops. In addition, Saddam’s turn offs are pushy people and his turn-ons include walks on the beach, pina coladas and being a sadistic tyrannical murderer.

The guards report that Saddam still thinks he is president of Iraq. You know what that means if Saddam mistakenly insists he is president? He’s become a democrat.

Just like that
On “The Tonight Show” Lindsay Lohan imitated Tom Cruise’s Oprah couch jumping scene and her nipple popped out. There Lindsay is imitating Tom Cruise and suddenly she’s Tara Reid.

Making friends with Asia
A six legged dog was discovered outside a Chinese temple in Malaysia. You know what they call a six-legged dog in Korea? Brunch.

I, uh, I did, uh not know that…
Rumor has it that the upcoming book “The Truth About Hillary” reveals that President Clinton has been carrying on an ongoing affair in their town of Chappaqua, New York. Incidentally, Chappaqua is a Mohican word meaning; “I did not have sex with that woman.”

To quote Homer. Simpson, not the other guy
Six top executives of Krispy Kreme Donuts Inc. will be fired; you know how somebody reacts when they hear they are fired from Krispy Kreme? Dough!