Friday, July 08, 2005

Oh no we dih’nt. Snap. Did we have to go there? Yes, we had to go there, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Anyone finding a lost groove, please contact Stella
The forty-something author of the biographical “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” Terry McMillan is having her marriage to her 20-something husband annulled because she found out he is gay. You know how she found out he was gay? He used to go out with Katie Holmes.

The forty-something author of “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” Terry McMillan is having her marriage to her 20-something husband annulled because she found out he is gay. In a related story, Stella just lost her damn groove again.

Uh, no, Sir, that’s not the, oh forget it . . .
This week, President Bush met with U2’s Bono and Bono urged the president to discuss donating aid to poor countries. It was kind of awkward at the beginning when Bush asked Bono, “So are you still in touch with your ex-wife Cher?”

I thought that looked familiar
The city of Paris lost the 2012 Olympics to London and the French are bitter about it. The French are so bitter, they refuse to bathe, shave, or provide cheerful service to tourists. Oh, wait, they were already doing that. Never mind.

Get it? Wie?
Michelle Wie could become the first female to make the cut at a men’s PGA tournament at the John Deere Classic. It will be a nice change for the men to take a different kind of Wie on the course.

Unless she picks up a couple strokes to make the cut, Michelle would be – wait for it, wait for it – a Wie bit short.

I would like to see Michelle play more in France, then we could have us some tasty "Who's on First" dialogues.

French Guy: "Pardon, Madam, is your name zee Michelle?"

Michelle: "Yes, Michelle Wie."

French Guy: "Oui. What is your last name, mon ami?"

Michelle: "Wie."

French Guy; "Oui, Michelle, I understand. Your last name is being how you say?"

Michelle: "Wie"

French Guy: "Oui what?"

Michelle: "No, not Wiewhat, just Wie."

You got the idea, oui? Why, oh why are the French so fun to pick on?

Oh, that’s not good
In a new interview, Katie Holmes said of Tom Cruise “he makes me laugh like I’ve never laughed.” Sadly, that laugh she’s never laughed is a nervous and horribly frightened laugh.

Adios the card with the dishes
The New York Daily News reports that Britney Spears is trying to clamp down on Kevin Federline’s extravagant spending habits. You know what that means? There goes Kevin’s Wal Mart Platinum card.

Sure enough
Yesterday, Phil Jackson touted Lamar Odom as one of the Los Angeles Lakers stars of the future; so today, Kobe Bryant demanded Odom be traded to the Miami Heat.

The fat drips right off
George Foreman said he thinks he could get Mike Tyson back to his winning form. I’m not so sure, but at the very least, with George Foreman, Tyson could grill his ears before he eats them.

Since you asked:
You know how drinking can make other people look more attractive? (Beer goggles and such) You want to know how I know when I’ve had too much to drink? When I look in the mirror and honestly think: Now there is one damn fine looking son-of-a-beeyatch.

When you start to find your own self attractive, it’s probably time to hit the ice water.

Tonight a vigorous work out, steam and then it’s grilled Strip Steak French bread sandwiches with melted roasted garlic butter and caramelized red onions as the hot air balloons float over in the enchanting carnival light of the gloaming. Mm, mm, mmmmm, mm. Make you wanna go and slap Subway’s Jared is what them steak sanguidos make you wanna do.

Anyone want the recipe let me know

Quick question: Chicago Cubs? Why do you do this to me? Why? Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.