What it is is what it is, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Putin. Get it?
There was an awkward diplomatic moment when President Bush first met with the Russian President Vladmir Putin. Bush said; “Speaking of Putin, pull my finger.”

Give President Bush credit. When he is with the Russian President, Bush no longer giggles when he hears the name Putin.

Or

Give President Bush credit for working with Russian President Vladmir Putin. Ten years ago Bush thought Putin was something you did in a Texas outhouse.

That scamp, Paula
An ABC “Prime Time Live” expose claimed that “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul slept with a contestant. And, rumor has it, this isn’t the first time; Let’s just say Paula found out that William Hung wasn’t.

Mommy Brit
It was kind of sweet, Britney Spears husband, Kevin Federline, gave the-Mother-to-be Britney jewelry for Mother’s Day. The jewelry was pretty expensive. In fact it was a lot more than Britney wanted to spend.

Britney Spears had a trip to the hospital for stomach pains. Turns out she’s fine. Britney was just a victim of a Mother’s Day sale on Pork Rinds.

This isn’t the first hospital visit for the pregnant Britney Spears. It has been serious. This makes two times her husband, Kevin Federline, had to put down his Lucky Lager beer and stop playing his Play Station to drive her to the emergency room.

Pregnant Britney’s last emergency room trip scared her. She is now seriously considering giving up smoking and drinking at least until the baby comes.

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are set to star in a reality show called: “Britney and Kevin: Chaotic.” Production will begin as soon as someone can explain to Britney and Kevin what the word Chaotic means.

That scamp Angelina
It was reported that while vacationing together in Kenya, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie made so much noise while having sex, the resort staff had to be summoned. The couple was then cited by authorities for disturbing the peace and impersonating Kobe Bryant.

You’d think, huh?
At the Wachovia Championship, Spanish golfer Sergio Garcia blew a six stroke lead to lose to Vijay Singh. Garcia choked so bad you’d think he was owned by George Steinbrenner.

Google my Google
The mighty search engine Google was out for 15 minutes on Saturday. It was kind of awkward, when a male White House aide told President Bush that his Google went down, Bush said;

“Take some Viagra and keep it to yourself, for heaven’s sake.”

Since you up and asked, Louisville version:

Let’s honor the memory of the newly departed head editor for “SNL” “Weekend Update” editor Herb Sargent.

While we are mentioning it, can we just say that the best “Weekend Update” ever is with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler? Yes, Dennis Miller was very good. Chevy Chase rode on the coattails of the novelty of being the first to give previously serious news delivered in a joking way. Chase wasn’t nearly as good as Poehler NOR Fey.

But Poehler and Fey combine the best delivery along with serving the funny as well as having knock-dead material to read. And let’s not forget the fact that they are both smoking hot babes. When the camera goes back and forth when they read their monologue items, I sit there and think: I’m in love with Tina. No, I’m in love with Amy. No, Tina. No, Amy.

Did y’all have a good Mother’s day?

We did, thanks for asking. Ann Caroline was so excited. She made me cook her Mom’s morning Feta cheese scrambled eggs served in a heart shape. With V tops cut out of the English muffins also to form hearts.

After presents and independent Mom and Dad workouts, after which Dad watched a TiVo’d Cubs game win/ nap, we had a nice picnic dinner of fish tacos and Chardonnay – diet Sprite for the Stinker – at the park in Del Mar just above the beach on 15th. It was nice. Had the iPod on the portable speakers playing Jack Johnson tunes as Labradors romped, kites flew and a very sweet girl taught Ann Caroline how to do cartwheels. Picture "Surfing Safari" meets Norman Rockwell.

At bedtime, in the most sorrowful and dramatic voice ever used by a six-year-old, Ann Caroline said;

“Tomorrow it won’t be Mother’s Day anymore.”