Tuesday, May 03, 2005

We roll on the down-low up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Not clear on the concept
A medical study reveals that Transcendental Meditation can extend people’s lives. It was awkward, when asked if he practiced Transcendental Meditation, President Bush said;

“I don’t do transcendental, no, but I do use dental floss every day.”

Premature celebration
A dress worn by Judy Garland during the “Wizard of OZ” sold at a London auction for $252,000 dollars. Apparently Michael Jackson is celebrating his trial victory a wee early.

It is hard work writing this cr*p
Man, I am tired. I was up all night changing all of my Wendy’s chili jokes into frozen chocolate custard jokes.

Here we go again.
A North Carolina man who ordered a pint of frozen chocolate custard got a nasty surprise inside: a piece of severed finger lost by an employee in an accident. That’s amazing. This is the third case of finding a finger where it doesn’t belong. The first was the Wendy’s chili, the second was Martha Stewart’s last prison exam.

Video clip
Did you see how Michael Jackson showed up in court? He walked in escorted by police with a red, blue, white and yellow towel draped over his head.

Georgia out her mind
The fiancé of runaway Georgia bride Jennifer Wilbanks said they are going ahead with the wedding. The bride will wear a beautiful red, white, blue and yellow striped wedding dress to match her new veil.

You heard the runaway bride, Jennifer Wilbanks, is back. Poor girl, a wedding can be scary for a small town Georgia girl. For example, you don’t know which side of the church to seat the guests since everyone is related to each other.

The First Lady . . . of comedy (Oh, I kill me)
Sunday night at the White House correspondent’s dinner, first lady Laura Bush was a big hit with her jokes. She told so many jokes that it wasn’t until today she was finally able to explain them all to her husband.

The president isn't quite as good as his wife at telling jokes. The last one he told was;

“Why are the other numbers afraid of seven? Because seven, eight . . . shoot, what’s after eight again?”

Plan ahead
With the Michael Jackson trial winding down, legal experts say it doesn’t look good for the prosecution; rumor has it that Michael is already planning a victory dinner. If you want to go, make your reservations now at the Santa Barbara Chuckie Cheese.

Not a good idea (Assist by Mark Snake)
Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake are rumored to be getting married in Nice, France. Guess who leaked their top secret wedding plans? Ozzie Osbourne. Let that be a lesson to you: don’t share a secret with a guy who blurts out drug flashbacks.

They ain’t ones to hold on formality and such
An Oklahoma company, Rocketplane, says it is close to making space travel a reality for paying travelers. A lift off in Oklahoma is different, instead of “5,4,3,2,1,” in Oklahoma they shout;

“Fetch a beer, n’hold yur dawgs, y’all ain’t gonna believe this here. Neeeeee haaaaaw.”

Since you asked:
Welcome any and all old friends and new readers from that distinguished line of British rulers we here at the hard working staff at a.L.B.b. know as the C.J.K clan. Please remember that writing jokes is like baseball: hit .300 and you're headed to the Hall.

And I ain't headed to no stinkin' Hall.