Friday, April 29, 2005

We gonna hang a weekend on your narrow behinds, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

That’s what I had a problem with
Everyone is talking about President Bush and Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah holding hands at the press conference. I didn’t mind that, I thought it was nice. It was after lunch when they cuddled during a nap that sort of bothered me.

If you wanna do it right reports that Katie Holmes, who has been dating Tom Cruise, has said that she's actually saving herself and there'll be no sex for her before marriage. If Katie really wants to save herself then you know who she should be dating? Michael Jackson.

That would make Katie a virgin. You know what you call a virgin Hollywood movie star? Nobody knows, there hasn’t been one before.

Yeah, those guys
Victoria Secret is coming out with a line of edible underwear. This is for those on-the-go guys who don’t have time for lunch and foreplay.

Sure, Victoria Secret has line of edible underwear but here is the question: Is it Atkins friendly?

How did she miss the obvious one?
Paris Hilton is in a Carl’s Jr. hamburger commercial. Paris is everywhere, she’s selling her line of clothes, cosmetics, perfume, cell phones, promoting her movie and her TV show. In fact you know what the only thing Paris Hilton isn’t promoting? The Paris Hilton.

“Him talks with forked tongue.” “Oh, goody.”
The tribal council of the Navaho Nations has approved a bill to ban same sex marriage for Native Americans. You know who this is bad news for? Geroni ‘Mo.

Pope update
So far it’s been reported that Pope Benedict XVI enjoys being Pope. You know one of the first things the Pope did? He pimped the Pope Mobile with spinning rims.

So far it’s been reported that Pope Benedict XVI enjoys being Pope. You know what’s one of his favorite perks? It turns out the Pope Mobile has a DVD player.

You know what Pope Benedict really likes? Those new Atkins friendly low carb communion wafers.

Since you asked:
It been a difficult time, I’ll be candid. I was not selected as Pope, the NFL draft did not call and now, once again, I was tragically slighted by People magazine’s 50 most beautiful people. I think I need to be alone for a while . . .