Thursday, November 04, 2004

What we is is for reaizzle for shizzle my Chi-town Bloggin’ brothizzles and sistizzles, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

I got you, babe
Scientists in London found an 1,800 year-old tin of women’s makeup. It was interesting because it was a foundation base that was white and it was also the very first line of makeup endorsed by Cher.

Yeah, like that
Reports on Yasser Arafat are going back and forth. Is he alive? Or is he dead? They don’t know if he’s dead or alive. Kind of like with Ralph Nader.

Dan’s gone bye-bye in the ol’ melon
What was with the endless corny country expressions from CBS’s Dan Rather on election night? I thought I was watching a “Hee Haw” rerun.

At one point, I could have sworn I heard Rather say: “These here election figures are harder than Chinese arithmetic and slicker than eel guts on a river rock and trying to figure ‘em is tougher than putting the Cheese Whiz back in the can. Neeeeee Haaaaw.”

Dan Rather’s election commentary started and a how-down broke out.

Dan Rather is starting to remind me of my crazy old Uncle Zeke visiting from the country. The entire family is huddled in the kitchen whispering, “Whose turn is it to go in the living room and listen to his corny expressions?”

Not a good move
Osama bin Laden’s brother, Yeslem bin Laden is complaining that he has a hard time buying airline tickets. It’s gotten so bad that, in order to make it easier to fly, Yeslim is going to change his name to Cat Stevens.

Poor Ralph
You had to feel sorry for Ralph Nader. Today he tried to address all of his supporters, his staff, his volunteers and his advisors. Unfortunately they were both in the bathroom at the time.

Did you see Ralph Nader address all of his supporters? It was touching. There wasn’t a dry eye in the Denny’s restaurant booth.

The good news for Ralph Nader is that it won’t take long to pack up his campaign headquarters. Ralph just has to call the Motel Six front desk and ask for express check out.

It was sad, John Kerry had to return that huge chartered campaign jet. The good news is that Ralph Nader got his entire deposit back on the bicycle he rented.

Good mileage too
Now that President Bush has been elected to a second term, historians are wondering what his legacy will be. When asked what he thought about his legacy, President Bush said; “It drives pretty nice.”

Since you asked:
Wish me luck, I am going to dust the rust off my Stand up set tonight. Getting ready for the big gig on the 11th. You need tickets here in San Diego, let me know