Tuesday, November 02, 2004

These just in:
I’m not sure Jessica Simpson gets the whole election thing. She asked her manager if he voted today and when he told he voted an absentee ballot, Jessica said; “Absentee? I had no idea you lost a limb.”

Post World Series merchandising is in full swing. I got an e-mail announcing that 2004 Boston Red Sox World Champion jackets are available. And, for a limited time, if you buy two Red Sox jackets, you get one official New York Yankee choke collar for free.

We gonna jack up that vote up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Nagging feeling
Why do I get the feeling there was something I was supposed to do today?

It was kind of embarrassing. They asked President Bush if he exercised his inalienable right, Bush replied; “I'm not an inalienable, I'm a born U.S. citizen."

Insiders say John Kerry might take a loss badly. How badly? If John Kerry loses, well, if you thought he had a long face before . . .

It was a beautiful clear election day today. Just to show you how clean the air was, the pollution count was even lower than Ralph Nader’s vote total.

That's a lot of quarters
There were a lot of undecided voters. The polling places reported there were more quarters being flipped around then when Paris Hilton had her allowance cut and she had to charge her dates.

They took a poll of comedy writers who they wanted to win strictly for comedy writing reasons, 55% said Bush, 35% said Kerry, 10% said whoever can get this awful hangover to go away.

Fox innovations
I miss Fox’s coverage of the World Series. Well, maybe not that stupid dirt-cam near the batter’s box. Even that was better than their first idea: the Johnny Damon beard cam.

I, uh, I did not know that . . .
The Ashlee Simpson lip-synching story won’t die. You know, lip-synching is not new, the Rolling Stones tried it many years ago, but Mick Jagger’s lips are so big, when he tried to lip-synch they flopped-up knocked him out.

For the record
A Dutch filmmaker, Theo Van Gogh, who in his films was critical of Muslims, was murdered in Amsterdam reportedly by a Muslim gunman. In a related story, this comedian would like to go on record that the vast majority of Muslims are peaceful and kind.

Among other charges, the filmmaker accused members of the Dutch Muslim community of being violent. Boy, they showed him, huh?

Rough Halloween
Truth is I had a rough Halloween. I was supposed to meet some friends but we never got together. It was my fault: I went as a weapon of mass destruction, turns out nobody could find me either.