Wednesday, September 29, 2004

We got all kinds of love for the funizzle up in hereizzle, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

That makes sense
Krispy Kreme is now selling wedding cakes made out of donuts. In a related story, “American Idol’s” Ruben Stoddard proposed to Clay Aiken.

What happens in Vegas, really stays in Vegas
In Las Vegas, a New Hampshire tourist jumped to his death at the Hoover Dam after killing his girlfriend. And you thought you had a bad time in Vegas when you busted on 16?

Apparently he took the slogan “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” a little too seriously.

Good point
CBS wants Janet Jackson to pay the half-million dollar fine for exposing her breast at the Super Bowl. Janet is incensed. She said “Where am I supposed to come up that money? I’m Michael Jackson’s sister, not his playmate.”

Again, we kid the president
*A previously unknown story by Ernest Hemmingway has surfaced. President Bush is excited. He just wants to know if it’s more like “Ernest Goes to Camp” or “Ernest Scared Stupid”?

President Bush is very excited. He just loves it when Ernest says “Hey Vern.”

Gets me each time
*I’m looking forward to the presidential debates. Undoubtedly my favorite part of the debates is when President Bush keeps talking even when Dick Cheney is drinking water.

The Montreal Expos are moving to Washington D.C. D.C. Politician Marion Berry is against the Montreal Expos moving to Washington. Berry was disappointed when he found out he misunderstood that they would soon have the crack of bats.

Who knew?
*President Bush said he was shocked to hear that his hometown paper in Crawford, Texas had decided to endorse John Kerry. An incredulous Bush asked; “My hometown has a newspaper?”

Oh you can’t let him, can’t let him in, you gotta keep him out
*How many think President Bush is going to win the debates? How many think Senator John Kerry will win? How many think security is going to treat Ralph Nader like he is Cat Stevens?

How, uh, how fat was he?
*A man is suing Southwest Airlines claiming they humiliated him by forcing him to buy two seats for a flight because he’s so fat. The guy was pretty fat. The two seats he had to buy on Southwest faced South and West.

On the wild side
*Britney Spears is now rumored to be pregnant. With all the stories and wild rumors, I think Britney needs to slow down. Of course, this comes from a guy who thinks living on the edge means drinking Bohemian coffee instead of the regular blend.

Stop it, you person, you
*They are giving the $50 bill a Queer makeover. One thing’s for sure, with the queer makeover, one thing they won’t change is Grant’s first name Ulysses.

Since you asked:
People ask me all the time, they ask; “Lex, how do you keep your burgers so darn juicy?” Well, OK, they don’t, but I am going to tell you anyway.

The key is to focus on what makes a burger juicy and avoid what makes them not juicy, i.e., dry.

First of all the meat has to have at least 15% fat. (Don’t worry, most of it melts off in the grilling) Any less than that is too dry, I don’t care if it is ground Kobe beef – no relation to Bryant.

Second, the shape of the patty is key. Flat and indented a little in the middle will keep the chef from the cardinal sin of using the spatula to squeeze it flat –and thus, bone dry - when it plumps.

Third, add some good juice. Drizzle some Worcestershire sauce and olive oil on them before you grill them, after, of course, you’ve rubbed pepper, garlic powder and a little cumin.

Fourth, grill them on high. You sear your steaks, right? You gotta sear the hamburgers. They are done in about seven minutes anyway. That way it will be pinkish in the middle instead of that god-awful gray.

Seriously, I am going to have to start charging for this advice . . .