Congratulations to our great friends Tracy and Mark "Snake" on the birth of Charlotte Elizabeth O'Connor, born on the first day of Autumn.

We off the hook in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

No, not really
*Today is the Autumnal Equinox; when asked what he thought about the Autumnal Equinox, president Bush said, “I hear they are right nice cars.”

Wild world
*Yusuf Islam, i.e. Cat Stevens, was booted out of the US after his name popped up on a U.S. terrorist watch list. The guy’s name is Islam, gosh, I wonder how they spotted that? Was the name Al Qaeda already taken? “Paging Mister Qaeda, Mister Al Qaeda, please report to airport security.”

Great. We can’t get Osama bin Laden, but we sure nailed that Moonshadow guy.

Look for Cat Stevens new single, “Can’t Keep It In . . . the United States.”

Again, we kid the president
*The presidential candidates cannot agree on the format of the upcoming debates. When asked what kind of format he wanted Bush said, “How about a throw rug?”

In poker they call that a tell
*It is now being reported that Britney Spears faked her wedding. They became suspicious when Britney lip-synched the wedding vows.

Britney Spears, who said she doesn't smoke and she does, said she is a virgin and she isn't, said she didn't have a boob job but she did and said she doesn't lip-synch but she does, if Britney says she's married, well, if you can't believe her, who can you believe?

We kid the John Kerry
The New York Times reports that Saddam Hussein is depressed. And here I didn’t even know Saddam was a John Kerry supporter.

Saddam had a beard, now he doesn't, he thought he was president and now he isn't, no wonder the guy's depressed, he just realized he is like Al Gore.

My Uncle Louie is spinning in his grave
A woman, Annie Duke, won the “World Series of Poker.” Guys, nothing is sacred. Next thing you know a woman will win the “Writing Your Name In the Snow” Championship.

CBS= Can't Believe Stories
Things could actually get worse for CBS. My sources claim Dan Rather is ready to break a story that Cat Stevens sang at Britney Spears wedding.

Since you asked:
Nobody has ever mistaken me for a network television executive, but if I am a honcho at CBS, I have to can the Dan. Rather is out of hand.

It’s bad enough the guy went with a phony story, but the reason he has to go is because he has such a big axe to grind against everything Bush, he cannot possibly retain any credibility or objectivity. Remember stress city? Rather should have been canned then.

Sure, Tom Brokow sounds like he is at the dentist and desperately needs to rinse, and Peter Jennings is a snotty Canadian – we have the only two snotty Canadians on the planet on our network television, Jennings and Alex Trabek – but at least you can watch them. Who can still watch Rather?

Grilling with Lex
Got a hankerin' for my steak ala Lex tonight. Oh yeah, baby. A nice ribeye marinated in Jim Beam marinade. Seared and grilled to medium rare perfection, and one minute before that happens, I throw ten water soaked crushed garlic cloves right on the burners and smoke that bad beast in eye-rollingly good garlic smoke. It smells so amazing you can actually hear my neighbors drool. (True, for a few that is a pre-existing condition)

Do I stop there? Oh, heeeaaaaaal noooooooooo, Slats and Nugs. After the steaks have been re-salted and peppered, drizzled in olive oil and properly rested, I put a big-ass dollop of my roasted garlic/ mustard/ Worcestershire sauce butter to lovingly melt all over it. Mmmm, mmmmm, mmm. Make you wanna go and slap the night manager at Sizzlers is what it makes you wanna do.

That's right.