We got our A game face on today, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Good news
Clinton is said to be doing fine after his heart operation. He should be on solid interns in a week.

We would like to point out that there was absolutely no truth to the ugly rumor that Hillary slipped the surgeon a hundred to have Clinton neutered as long as he was out.

Pish Posh, not into it
*There is a call to have Real Madrid's David Beckham benched. Beckham has been playing lackadaisically. Have you heard about the new movie? It's called "Pretend it Like Beckham."

Not clear on the concept
*President Bush has moved ahead of John Kerry after the Republican convention. It was embarrassing, when they asked Bush what he thought about his ascension, Bush said, "It still hurts a little when I run."

Sweet relief
*Michael Moore is not submitting his film 'Fahrenheit 9/11' for consideration in the best documentary category at next year's Oscars. That's bad news for the Oscars, good news for the Oscar bathroom attendant.

*Michael Moore wants a nomination for best picture, not best documentary. That would make up for Moore being nominated for, "The Guy You?d Least Want to Follow in the Bathroom."

Sorry Charlie
*First we had Frances then Gaston, now we have Ivan. Meteorological experts are at a loss to explain why we suddenly have so many hurricanes and why they are all gay.

Frances, Gaston, and Ivan? Those aren't hurricanes, those are the three runners up the "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" auditions.

Poor fellow
First he lost his number one golfer title after over five years, now the Boston Herald reports that Tiger Woods broke up with his Swedish bikini model fiancé, Elin Nordegin. Poor Tiger, at the rate he's going his life is only about a thousand times better than everyone else's.

Good news
In discussing his motive for a comeback, Deion Sanders said he wouldn't do anything that would embarrass himself. So, apparently, he has fired his tailor.

Or something like that
Netflix and TiVo are hooking up to allow people to record movies from the Internet. It's called, "Operation Destroy the Evil, Sadistic Blockbuster Clerks."

Medical definition
They announced former President Bill Clinton underwent a routine quadruple bypass. Do you know what defines a routine bypass? When it's someone else's.