Thursday, June 10, 2004

This just in:
Day Five of J. Lo’s marriage. I’m not sure if it’s going all that well. During moments of passion, J. Lo has slipped and called Marc Anthony: Bennifer.

Oh, that is just so whack, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

J. Ho
*Rumor has it that J. Lo is pregnant. Yeah, if it’s a girl they are going to name her after the mother, Jennifer. And if it’s a boy, they are going to name him after the father, Puff Diddy Some-Dancer-Guy Ben Anthony.

*J. Lo dumps Sean “Puff Diddy Daddy” Combs to marry some dancer, then dumps him for Ben Affleck, then bags him and marries Marc Anthony? Now, I don’t want to imply that J. Lo is a ‘Ho, but there are bowling shoes that haven’t been on that many guys.

Not that I have, mind you
*A University of Chicago study claims there is no connection between sex and money. I don’t know if I buy that. Have you ever tried to get a lap dance in exchange for a cute anecdote?

That nervous
*This is a big game three tonight between the Detroit Pistons and the L.A. Lakers. Just to show you how big it is, yesterday, in his hotel room, Kobe Bryant was too nervous to eat the sack lunch his wife packed him.

Love to love you, baby
*Troubled singer Courtney Love has been charged with assaulting a woman with a flashlight at the home of her ex-boyfriend. Courtney is said to be running from the law and on the lamb. The good news is that the lamb is the safest thing Courtney’s been on in two years.

Too much information and not enough cloth
*It has been revealed - by Kobe Bryant and confirmed by Shaq – that, get ready, Shaquille O’Neal wears thong underwear. Actually, in Shaq’s case, it’s more of a converted hammock.

Shaq wears a thong? Kind of brings new meaning to the basketball term offensive foul.

Shaq wears a thong? And you thought the Detroit Piston’s defense didn’t adequately cover Shaq.

Shaq wears a thong? This is a tidbit of information I personally could have gone a tad longer without knowing. Like, oh, say an eternity.

Things have changed
*One of the nicer things about the Ronald Reagan tributes are all the stories emerging of Reagan’s random acts of kindness. The nicest thing Bill Clinton ever did was to offer an intern a post-sex Kleenex.

How hot is it?
To give you an idea how hot it has been in New York, in Times Square, guys are paying hookers to blow ON them.