Friday, May 28, 2004

You best better recognize up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

*I don’t want to imply that the series is over, but the Minnesota Timberwolves have as much chance to beat the 3-1 Los Angeles Lakers as William Hung had of winning “American Idol.”

Did you see that amazing basket after a foul under the basket by Kobe Bryant? It was Kobe’s most amazing backdoor shot since he ordered room service in Colorado.

That’s too bad
*According to a new study, men who drive Porsches are the most likely to have extramarital affairs. And men who drive Segway scooters are the most likely to date blow-up dolls.

C.U. at the party
*After booze, drugs and arranged sex scandals, suspended coach Gary Barnett has been reinstated as coach of the University of Colorado football team. And today, Dennis Rodman, Colin Ferrell and Nick Nolte signed letters of intent to play football for Colorado.

That should do it for now
*President Bush said we will eventually teardown Abu Ghraib prison. Until then, they will have to be happy with re-naming it Abu Ghraib-ass prison.

Warning: This one is really stupid
Abu-Ghraib is the prison in Iraq where the abuses took place. Now it turns out there is another prison, besides Abu Ghraib, where Iraqi prisoners were forced to watch endless Flintstones episodes. It’s called Abu Dabba Doo prison.

*Did you hear President Bush try and pronounce Abu Ghraib in his speech? I was afraid he was going to hurt himself: “Abu-Guriaahb, Abu-Guru-ahab, Abu . . . that place with them naked bag-headed fellers.”

Wing man
*John Kerry has a new 757 jet to use while he campaigns for president. It fly’s like Kerry: For a while it will use the left wing, then it switches over to the right wing, and back and forth.

At last
*Security officials in Iraq say that a number of suicide bombers are detonating prematurely. The bombs are going off before they even reach their target. Finally, some happy news from Iraq.

The search for the real scumbag is over
*O.J. Simpson is hoping to mark the 10th anniversary of wife Nicole's murder - along with the waiter Ron Goldman - by cashing in. Star Magazine reports that Simpson's attorney has been shopping his client around for paid interviews. This has to be the sleaziest stunt I’ve ever heard that didn’t include the names Jerry Springer, Don King or “Hustler’s” Larry Flynt.

Since you asked:
Are you a big fan of the Conan O’Brien? He is awesome. I love it when he comes out and the crowd is rowdy and keeps cheering too long. Conan looks like a guy that is getting licked by a puppy. “That’s nice, but you can cut it out now.” That’s when O’Brien says; “Be cool, my babies.” Cracks me up each time.

But, then, remember, I am simple minded.