Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Oh no, you di’ ‘int, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

How ugly?

*The Detroit Pistons beat the Indiana Pacers in a very ugly 69-65 game. That game was uglier than film-maker Michael Moore in a Speedo. OK, maybe not that ugly.

That game was uglier than a “Swan” contestant before the plastic surgery.

That game was uglier than an “American Idol” reject William Hung encore.

Yo, Adrian
A new study has found that "yo-yo dieting" - repeatedly losing, then regaining weight - may harm a woman's immune system. Asked to comment on the harm of “yo-yo dieting” President Bush said; “Of course it’s harmful. Whoever heard of eating yo-yo’s anyway? That’s crazy.”

No horse power
*The field for the Belmont could include six horses, maybe five, and that's assuming no scratches. One more scratch and they’ll have to change it from a horse race to a game of bridge.

*Kentucky Derby runner-up Lion Heart isn’t running in the Belmont. Lion Heart is ducking Smarty Jones. That is so weak, they should change his name to the Detroit Lions Heart.

Trial of tears
* The trial of Scott Peterson is just beginning. What’s their hurry? Hasn’t that pre-trial thing been going on for two years? Who is running this thing, the Boulder Colorado police?

At this pace the Scott Petterson trial won’t be over until O.J. catches the real killers.

Much better
*The name of the prime minister of the interim Iraqi government is Ghazi Yawar. That’s better than their first choice, a woman named Ann Arky.

What a choice job Prime Minister of Iraq is. Was the job of Prime Minister of Palestine not dangerous enough?

Again with this one?
*They arrested a new terrorist leader in Iraq. This guy was caught trying to fashion primitive weapons out of rocks and sticks like Fred Flintstone. I think his name was Abu Dabba Doo.