Friday, May 21, 2004

It's like that, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

"Law and Order: To Be Announced"
NBC announced they are renewing all three "Law and Order" shows. In addition, they are going to add "Law and Order: Abu Graib Prison" and "Law and Order: Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown's House."

Oh, well, then, yeah
*According to several sources over the weekend U.S. forces bombed a wedding party in Iraq. There is absolutely no excuse for bombing a wedding; unless the reception features a Karaoke machine.

There is no reason for bombing a wedding, unless it's one of J.Lo's.

Smart-ass shoe?
*Adidas is coming out with a new $250 smart running shoe. It may be too smart: if you start to run, it asks; "Why are you torturing yourself when you could be lying on the couch drinking beer watching "Saved by the Bell" re-runs?"

We love the Jessica Simpson
*Jessica Simpson, bless her heart, is singing the National Anthem at the Indianapolis 500. Asked to comment, Jessica said, "Normally, I perform to larger crowds, but it will be good to sing to just 500 people."

Jessica is said to be looking forward to visiting and performing in the country of Indianapolis.

In a word? Dynamic. Sure, it's the wrong word . . .
*Ralph Nader met with John Kerry. What did they call that meeting, Personality-palooza?

What a union of dynamic personalities. It's like when Elvis met Muhammad Ali.

So he's a stiff and he's rude?
*Did you know that John Kerry speaks French? If Kerry loses the election, speaking French will come in handy for the concession speech. I'm pretty sure concession is a French word.

Talk to the paw
*Seattle geneticists are attempting to discover the roots of the family tree of dogs. Is this time well spent? Are there dogs suffering deep existential issues? My dogs are a little more concerned with sniffing each other than if their ancestors came over on the Mayflower.

Man, Wrigley and Kasey already have enough attitude, can you imagine if they find out their family tree?

"Come here? Fetch? Excuse me? Do you know whom you're addressing? Royalty, my friend."

A bad week for both
*The Los Angeles Dodgers have lost seven in a row. Even Donald Rumsfeld is starting to feel sorry for them.

Those hip-cat advertising execs are downer than a Mofo
*You've heard the McDonald's slogan; "I'm Lovin' it." McDonald's is trying to appeal to the hip hop culture. They may have gone to far. Have you heard Ronald McDonald's new rap song?

"Yo, yo, check it, that Homey in the Box? That Jack is whack. Word."

How dumb are we?
*Kentucky Fried Chicken is trying to convince us that K.F.C. stands for Kitchen Fresh Chicken. Yeah, and the K.K.K. says that now stands for Kookie, Kind, Kids.