Friday, June 11, 2004

Now we play callin’ and straight ballin’ in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

J. Ho update
*J. Lo has been married to a model, a dancer and a singer. Now if she just marries a cowboy and a construction worker she’ll have her own ex-husband Village People.

*It’s day six of Jennifer Lopez’s marriage. But who’s counting? J. Lo thinks their marriage will stand the test of time. You know, next weekend.

*The rumor is that Jennifer Lopez is pregnant. When reached for a comment, a majority of the possible fathers were said to be very excited.

Do the math
*A study claims there is no statistically significant correlation between levels of income and sexual activity. Whoever did this study apparently doesn’t know that Bill Gates is married with children.

The right moment?
*The Western Open golf tournament is now the Cialis Western Open. Let’s all hope, during an exchange between analysts David Feherty and Gary McCord, that a relaxing moment doesn’t become the right moment.

Now that the Western Open is the Cialis Western Open, I hope this doesn’t mean that NBC commentators Jim Nance and Johnny Miller will broadcast from matching bathtubs.

Now that the Western Open is the Cialis Western Open. Cialis is the erectile-dysfunction drug with the motto; “When a relaxing moment turns into the right moment.” That’s funny because, for a lot of guys, the right moment is when they’re out playing golf.

*It is now believed that dogs understand us more than we thought. A German dog, named Rico, can recognize the name of 200 different objects. That’s twenty more than Jessica Simpson.

The article stated that Rico automatically understood words like “the blue dinosaur” “the little red doll” and “watch out for that Korean deli owner.”

Yeah, like him
*Basketball legend Larry Bird said the NBA needs more white superstars, a really famous white superstar, like Michael Jackson, for instance.