Cubs sweep and the Padres have an awesome new home. Everybody wins, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Hard to take
*Have you seen the graphic HBO western "Deadwood?" It's based on the true story of lawless town in the Dakota Indian territory. At first it was swearing, whores and murder, but now they are starting a government. Foul language and bloodshed I can take, but legislation? That's ugly.

Big win
The Kentucky Derby winner, Smarty Jones, won the second leg of the triple crown, the Preakness, by over 11 lengths. To give you an idea how big of a win that is, that's more than Bill Gates would beat Jessica Simpson in "Jeopardy."

Like, huh?
The Brad Pitt movie "Troy" depicts the battle between the Greek army and the Trojan army. Upon hearing about the Trojan army, Jessica Simposn asked; "When did condom companies start sponsoring armies?"

Brad Pitt's epic "Troy" opened this weekend. Or as women call it: foreplay.

In "Troy" Brad Pitt plays Achilles. That Achilles guy is a real heel. (Somebody had to say it)

The movie opens up with Brad Pitt's Achilles character in bed with two women. Or as I call that, Monday night.

Here is my question about Brad Pitt and "Troy": When did Brad Pitt start eating the steroids off of Barry Bonds's plate?

Oh, goody
Al Gore is producing an all-news channel. Finally, a man with the charisma and guts to tear the lid off the exciting and enticing campaign financing news.