Monday, December 15, 2003

We tighter than Saddam all up in his little Hidey-Hole, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Heeeeeere’s Saddam
*He’s cruel, he’s mean and he’s been in hiding, but now we got him; but enough about Simon Cowell’s return to “American Idol,” how about that Saddam Hussein?

Did you see the picture of Saddam? He was caught, un-shaven, filthy, smelly and cowering in a hole, which is otherwise known as the classic French defense.

Believe it or not, there are some fanatic elements that are upset that Saddam Hussein was captured: Islamic radicals, al Qeada members and all of the Democratic presidential candidates.

When offered a glass of water by interrogators, Saddam replied, "If I drink water I will have to go to the bathroom and how can I use the bathroom when my people are in bondage?" Which is ironic, because Saddam has been hosing his people for decades.

Now all we need to do is catch Osama bin Laden. And, to weed him out, we can threaten Osama with all the things that they combed out of Saddam’s beard.

Did you see where Saddam Hussein was hiding? I never understood the street term hidey-hole until I saw that.

The troops who found Saddam Hussein were thrown off by his appearance; when they first caught Saddam they said; “When did the Unabomber get out of prison?”

Even the French congratulated the U.S. on the capture of Saddam Hussein. But the French had to admit, as experts on the subject, the French were impressed at how well Saddam surrendered.

And it wasn’t the Browns who beat them
*Did you see the Pittsburgh Steelers get shut-out by New York Jets 6-0 in the snow? The Steelers were bloodied, bruised, and covered in white powder, just like Whitney Houston.

Lambeau West
*There were over 25,000 Green Bay Packer fans at the San Diego Charger game. The stands were greener than Glen Cambell on New Year’s Day.

The problem with the San Diego Chargers is their offensive line puts up less resistance then Paris Hilton at last call.

Getting’ busy
It turns out the late former segregationist Senator, Strom Thurmond, had an illegitimate child with a black woman. Who would have guessed that? Stromizzle was gettin’ hisself a little Sistah sumpin’ sumpin.’

On the Horn
New Orleans Saints receiver Joe Horn celebrated a touchdown against the New York Giants by removing a cell phone he had hidden in the goal post pad and making a call. The worst part? He called the Giants coach, Jim Fassell, collect.