Step off with your good foot, now Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Mon Dieu
*There was an embarrassing moment at the G-8 summit. When President Bush arrived, French President Jacques Chirac surrendered to Bush’s Marine honor guard.

Witnesses at the G-8 conference described the encounter between President Bush and French President Jacques Chirac as “chilly.” It didn’t help that Chirac was wearing a Dixie Chicks button.

President Bush and French President Jacques Chirac tried to reconcile their personal feud over the Iraq war. It didn’t help things when Bush walked into their meeting with his thumbs in his ears, wiggling his fingers and saying; “Neener, neener, neeeeeeeeener.”

Some think President Bush was taunting French President Jacques Chirac at the G-8. Bush yelled; “Hey Chirac, let’s play pool after the meeting, but I rack. Get it, I rack? And my Dad gave me a new suitcase for this trip, so I said thanks for the bag, Dad. Get it? Bag Dad?”

It’s got to be killing President Bush not to rub our Iraq war win at the G-8 conference to the leaders of France, Germany and Canada. At the G-8, Bush looks like the guy at the high school reunion with the super model wife and the brand new Mercedes convertible.


Not again
*The US has lowered the terror alert from orange to yellow. We have gone from yellow to orange and back more than the bruises on Whitney Houston’s nose.


On the case
*Eric Rudolph, the longtime fugitive charged in the 1996 Olympic Park bombing, was arrested in the mountains of North Carolina. 1996? Who was on this case, the Boulder, CO police?

Talk about a kiss off
*A wanted man, David Horton, was arrested after his parole officer saw Horton kissing his girlfriend in a live crowd shot at a Cincinnati Reds game. Now he is back in prison. And the poor guy didn’t even get any tongue.

Horton is in serious trouble now. His prison cellmate saw him cheating on him.


Hey, yo over here
*New Jersey has teams in the NBA and NHL finals, the Nets and the Devils. Who knew toxic waste was so healthy for you?

I like the New Jersey attitude behind their NBA champ contending Nets. Their catch phrase: “New Jersey Nets Basketball: We got some balls.”

New Jersey is very proud to have teams in the NBA and NHL finals. There is a new hot selling t-shirt in New Jersey emblazoned with the words: “Go Nets and Devils. You got a problem wit dat?”

American Get a Life
Madonna’s highly promoted “American Life” album has plummeted to 49th on the charts and is still falling. And that’s including the big new promotion: For every coffee drink you buy at Starbucks, you now get Madonna’s CD for a coaster.