Wednesday, May 21, 2003

I KNOW you just didn't bump it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


France has accused the U.S. of being rude and abusive to them. Folks, if I may play analyst here, this kind of painful and shocking accusation by the French can only be cured with time . . . there, that oughta do it. I’m over it.

Well, they must be right, because when it comes to knowing about being rude and abusive, nobody is more practiced than the French.

A spare

Dennis Rodman got married last Wednesday. Rodman had his own selfish reasons to get hitched: he has run out of room for tattoos, he needs another body to tattoo.

All the News that’s full of Sh$t
Lying New York Times reporter Jayson Blair has announced he will write a book about his fake stories. He will write the book while fulfilling his other duties as the newly appointed Iraqi Information minister.

Lying New York Times reporter Jayson Blair will write a book about his elaborate fake stories. How much did Blair lie? Even that Iraqi Information Minister-guy called him full of crap.

New York Mets catcher Mike Piazza is out indefinitely with a severely pulled groin. Piazza said he has to wait until the swelling goes down. And if there’s one thing you don’t want in a locker room it’s a swollen groin.

A severely pulled groin. Or as I call that: high school.

The Mets team doctor said it could take a week for the swelling in Mike Piazza’s groin to go down. Which explains all of the calls Piazza’s been getting from Madonna.

This thing of ours
The New Jersey Nets take their 2-0 lead against the Detroit Pistons. The New Jersey Nets are heavy favorites to win in New Jersey because, A, they are hot, B, the crowd will be behind them and C, if they don’t win, Tony Soprano is gonna’ grind them into sausage and serve them at the Bada Bing.