This is how we roll all up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

That is just sssoo sssilly
Bravo will have television's first primetime gay-themed reality dating series "Boy Meets Boy." This production will add new meaning to the jobs of Key Grip and Best Boy.

Yeesh, you win
An Islamic woman in Florida, Sulteena Freeman, is suing to wear her veil for her driver’s license photo. Then she took the veil off, and the state of Florida immediately sued her to put it back on.


Double click
Do you know what is big now? Online divorces. For a fee, you can actually get divorced online. No kidding. In fact, Jennifer Lopez and Larry King have the web site saved on their Favorite Places.

No chance, that’s what
Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton’s divorce is official. Man, if those two grounded, well-adjusted kids can’t make it, what chance do the rest of us have?

That explains it
Last year’s “American Idol” runner-up Justin Guarini is launching an album. It’s available at Wherehouse. Not that Wherehouse is distributing the album, that is where Jason works.

The album is self-titled, so I guess its called “Loser.”


Triky
Have you seen some of the words the kids have to spell at The National Spelling Bee in Washington DC? Energumen,'' tenebrosity' and dysphagia. I can’t spell these words right when I read them.

Or as dyslexics refer to the spelling bee, their worst nightmare.


Their goose is cooked
The New Jersey Nets are up 2-0 on the Anheim Mighty Ducks. The only way the ducks could be in more trouble if they were served al’Orange.


Too much info by half
The San Antonio Spurs beat the Dallas Mavericks 90-78 to advance to the finals. San Antonio’s Tony Parker was sick from food poisoning and was – according to TNT sideline reporter Craig Sager – “losing it at both ends.” And he didn’t mean both ends of the court.


Just Pay It
Nike has signed a 13-year-old Ghana soccer player for one million dollars. This sets an unusual precedence for Nike, normally they pay one million 13-year-old factory workers one dollar.


One expensive hole
It turns out that we may have used 30 Tomahawk missiles to bomb Saddam Hussein’s bunker that now turns out to not be a bunker. In other words, we spent about $20 million dollars to make a hole. Or as Michael Jackson calls a $20 mil hole: his nose.

Misdirected anger
In a television interview, Mike Tyson said he is really mad at his accuser Desiree Washington. You know who Mike should be mad at? Whoever put that ugly tattoo on his face.

He didn’t even get any tongue
A wanted man, David Horton, was arrested after his parole officer saw Horton kissing his girlfriend in a live crowd shot at a Cincinnati Reds game. Horton was charged with three counts of parole violations and one count of an annoying public display of affection.

Horton is in serious trouble now. His prison cellmate saw him cheating on him.

Oh Lovey Dear
Charles Howell III finished with eight birdies over his final 12 holes Thursday to earn a one-stroke lead over Kenny Perry in the first round at The Memorial. That is the best finish for a Howell III since Thurston made it off of Gilligan’s Island.