Let’s tear a chunk off of this here monster, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


It’s not Sea World, sweety
There was an embarrassing moment when troubled pop star Whitney Houston visited Israel. When they took her to the Wailing Wall, a bleary Whitney mumbled; “But where are the whales?”

I've asked it before, and I'll ask it again: How messed up are you when Bobby Brown is the voice-of-reason in the family?

Since you asked:
Nice, quiet weekend planned, Slats and Nuggies.

This time last weekend was nuts, but fun: Early Saturday morning, finished my first column for the intrepid North County Times, then wrote my bit as informal M.C. for a wedding, ran six miles (nearly died) while mentally rehearsing my M.C. gig, went to the wedding, delivered my M.C. bit, played harmonica with the band. Sunday morning, swam and then later, we barbequed here with my fellow long-former UCSB Decathlon good pals. Go Gaucho Gold. (Luckily, we attended UCSB in the late Seventies and early Eighties when you didn’t have to be a Rhodes scholar to get in there)

This weekend my only plan is light-article working, playing with Ann Caroline, a run and bike and, afterwards, snoozing on the couch while watching the Cubs game with my yellow lab hounds, Kasey and Wrigley, curled-up nearby on the floor, snoring like furry little drunken sailors. “Is this heaven? No, it’s Iowa.” Barbeque with just the family to follow. Santa Maria-style tri-tip with salsa and sour dough biscuits and ranch beans, as hot-air balloons drift overhead in the gloaming. Wine? Well, if you insist.

Not exactly hot tub romp with champagne-slathered drunken supermodels, but a nice time all the same.

How is it possible to both snooze AND watch the Cubs, you ask? Easy, I have it down to an art: I drift off facing the game, sleeping just below the radar (It’s kind of Zen, Hidden Dragon, Matrix-thing) When something, anything, happens, Chip Carey’s voice goes way up, and I wake up. Sure, I may miss the crack of the bat, but I see the ball leaving the vaunted (love that word) ivy walls. And besides, they show it again on the replay.

My wife thinks my baseball watching/napping is just being lazy, but I consider it multi-tasking.