Lay it down nasty, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


I should be the Commissioner
There should be a new rule in baseball: If you are over 18-years-old, and you keep a foul ball instead of giving it to the nearest kid, or get an athlete’s autograph, you have to wear a hat for a week that has LOSER printed on the front.

Useless Peace of . . .
The chief Palestinian peace negotiator resigned as Palestinian leaders prepare for a major summit with the Israeli prime minister. I am shocked. I had no idea Palestine had a peace negotiator.

This guy was as useless as the French Defense Minister.

Oh that . . .
Former NBA star Dennis Rodman and Michelle Moyer, who have had two children together, got married in Newport Beach, Calif. Rodman then announced that the couple isn’t going to live together. Good move, Dennis, why let a little thing like marriage get in the way of dating?

The Natural
ESPN has a new sports talk show starring Jim Rome titled “Rome is Burning.” And who is the natural sponsor for “Rome is Burning?” Tough actin’ Tinactin jock itch and athletes foot spray.

Count ‘em
The Chicago Cubs beat the Milwaukee Brewers 4-2 in 17 innings. The game nearly went into the 18th inning. Or as the Detroit Tigers call 18 innings: two loses.

Since you asked:
Slats and Nuggies, have you seen the hilarious “Late Show with Conan O’Brien?” If you have, then you know that the bandleader is E-Street Band’s drummer, Max Weinberg. And if you have seen HBO’s “Sopranos” you know that one of the main guys is E-Street band guitarist Steven Van Zandt. What is going on? Aren’t these guys rich and famous enough?

Why stop there? I am going to organize an E-Street band outreach program for those poor band mates who don’t have a national TV show. Patty Scaflia? Red could guest star as Grace's older sister in "Will and Grace." How about the man himself, Bruce Springsteen? Poor guy hasn’t been on anything since the awesome John Cusak flick, “High Fidelity.” How about we get a re-make of “Who’s the Boss” starring the Boss? Can't you just hear the Boss in that raspy, low, mumbling voice saying;

"Samantha, you ain't leaving the house dressed like that."

And the Big Man, Clarence Clemmons? A Saxophone playing Jolly Green Giant. A kid's show natural:

"Fee fie foo fum, blowin' some Sax boogie, now here I come."

Why do I have to be the one who comes up with these brilliant ideas? Let's start pulling your weight, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers.