Go Gelbert, go Gelbert, it’s your birthday, it’s your birthday, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Bad move
*San Diego State athletic director Rick Bay was forced to resign due to mismanagement in the equipment room. It didn’t help Bay’s case when, in an effort to keep his job, he offered SDSU president Stephen Weber two brand new sweat suits.

Meeeeooouch
*A top Hong Kong scientist said it was likely the deadly SARS virus jumped to humans from civet cats, which are considered a delicacy by people in southern China. Those people thought having SARS was bad? Now they have PETA after them.

SARS came from cats? That’s settles it, I am never eating in Meow’s Chinese restaurant again.

Whatever you do, do not order the Kung Pao Kitty. (Or Kung Pao Meow)


Come on Phil Knight
*Saddam Hussein's eldest son, Uday, wants to surrender to U.S. forces, but so far has been reluctant to do so because of a tough negotiating posture by the U.S. government. Uday is frustrated by the US’s and Nike’s reluctance to give him a $90 million shoe deal.

Apparently the U.S. is having problems with Uday’s requests for booze, hookers, Cuban cigars and a personal zoo for his private prison cell.

Dress for excess
*Have you heard about this high school basketball phenom Lebron James, who has yet to play a game in the NBA, signed a $90 million shoe deal with Nike. $90 million for LeBron to put on their shoes. Imagine how much it’s gonna cost somebody for him to put on some pants?

Fore, I mean two
*Annika Sorenstam missed the cut at the Colonial. Here is my question: If Annika doesn’t hit it past the ladies tees, what does she have to stick out?

Duh Version 4
*According to a study in "Demography” magazine, the richer a man is, the more likely he is to find a woman who wants to marry him. Did they really have to do a study? All they had to do was look at a picture of Microsoft’s Bill Gates and his hot wife.