Hey, hey, my, my, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

In theaters near you
*Ashton Kutcher, star of “Dude Where’s My Car?” blabbed to Rolling Stone that he partied hard with the Bush twins, Jenna and Barbara. Look for Kutcher’s next movie; “Dude, I’m Being Audited.”

Good marketing move
*Evangelist Reverend Billy Graham is expected to draw over 100,000 people for his appearance at Qualcom stadium in San Diego, Saturday. Upon hearing this, the Dixie Chicks changed their name to the Billy Graham Chicks.

I knew she looked familiar
*Did you see the picture of fired Alabama coach Mike Price’s favorite exotic dancer, Lora “Destiny” Boudreaux? Who did she look like? Have you seen the commercial with the Wiemaraner-dog in the blonde wig? Bingo.


Did you see the picture of fired Alabama coach Mike Price’s favorite dancer, Lora “Destiny” Boudreaux? He shouldn’t be fired for going to a strip club, he should be fired for choosing her.


*Friday was a must-win game for the 0-2 Los Angeles Lakers in their best-of seven playoffs against the San Antonio Spurs. How serious was this? Some of the Laker fans are actually considered arriving before the second quarter.

It’s serious, some of the L.A. fans may actually watch the games instead of checking-out who is checking out them.

You know Jack Nicholson will be at the Laker game tonight. IF it is true, if Hollywood is like high school with money, than Jack Nicholson is that cool guy who is throwing the cool-kids-who-smoke party after the basketball game.

King took the class out of class action
*In New York, attorneys for Lennox Lewis filed a $385 million suit against Don King claiming King interfered to stop a Lewis - Mike Tyson match, including using death threats. In addition, King is the subject of a class action suit by the barber’s union objecting to King’s hairstyle.

So that’s where those come from
The theory claims that if you give an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters, they will eventually produce the works of Shakespeare. Well, researches in England gave six monkeys one computer for a month, but they didn’t exactly type any Shakespeare. But they did a sitcom for the W.B. Network.

PETA pumkin’ eattah
*PETA has offered the German city of Hamburg $10,000 if they change their name to Veggie Burg. OK, I get it, PETA has hired a comedy writer as its spokesperson, right? You got us, PETA, good one.

An anonymous spokesperson from Hamburg said they would change their name to Veggie Burg, if they agree to change their name from PETA: People for The Ethical Treatment of Animals to PITA, Pains In The Ass.