Oh, it’s on now, it is so on now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Do I smoke? I can’t remember.
*A study suggests smoking is bad for your memory. Well no kidding, smokers can’t even remember that smoking will kill you.


Dixie chicken*The Dixie Chicks had to cancel a concert in Cleveland because Natalie Maines had a sore throat. Actually, what she really was really diagnosed with hoof and mouth disease from sticking her foot in her mouth.

Color me shocked, and then color me canary yellow.
*In an interview on “Dateline” Richard Chamberlain announced he is gay. I haven’t been this shocked since Bill Clinton announced he was straight.


It’s about time
*La-Z-boy will unveil it’s latest creation in July, "The Matinee Collection”. It’s a 3-piece set of home theater seating made up entirely of La-z-boy furniture. It even comes with a special attachment that fits over your eye-lids, so you don’t have to go to all the trouble of blinking.


Quack me up
*The Anahiem Mighty Ducks have tied their Stanley Cup series with the New Jersey Nets with a 1-0 win in overtime. I haven’t seen the folks in Anaheim this excited since TGI Fridays started serving Mozzarella sticks.

I am not crazy about the Mighty Ducks catch phrase this season: “Anaheim Mighty Ducks Hockey: It just doesn’t get any whiter than this.”

How white are Anaheim hockey fans? After their overtime win, thirty six guys hurt themselves miss-executing high fives.

Last night the Mighty Duck fans were so ecstatic with the overtime win, they all decided to go out and hit the Anahiem nightlife. Then they remembered: What nightlife? Or as we call the Anaheim nightlife: a microwave burrito and a six pack from Seven Eleven.

I don’t want to imply that Anaheim is dull, but in Anaheim guys go to Hooters to eat, drink and watch sports.


Look away to Dixie land.
*During the Dixie Chicks performance at the Academy of Country Music Awards, Natalie Maines wore a shirt with the letters F.U.T.K. – an ugly shot at Toby Keith, winner of entertainer of the year. As far as awards go, Maines now has a serious shot at winning the Barbra Striesand award for the most annoying entertainer of the year.


Babs has lost it, folks*Outspoken environmentalist Barbra Striesand is suing an environmental watch-dog group over coastline photos of her Malibu estate: “ People, people who sue people, are the nastiest people in the world . . . ”

This just in: everyone who laughed at that last joke, you are also being sued by Barbra Striesand. Yes, that’s right, all ten of you.


French protestSerena Williams beat Frenchwoman Amelie Mauresmo, 6-1-6-2. After the match, French President Jacques Chiric criticized William’s treatment of Mauresmo as unnecessarily aggressive.


HMO or Ho ho ho?*The Japanese have discovered that laughing after a meal helps lower dangerous blood sugar in people with type two diabetes. So if you have type two diabetes and you are reading this, please remember to take your insulin shot.


It’s a jail thing*Federal prosecutors are seeking a criminal indictment against Martha Stewart ''in the near future,'' her media company said. The Feds are serious. They are even planning to lock up Cybill Shepard just for portraying Martha Stewart in NBC’s “Martha Inc.”

It looks like Martha Stewart could go to jail. Tonight on the Food Channel’s “From Martha’s Kitchen” we learn how to cook a goose: Martha’s.