Y'all ain't gonna believe this here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
So it’s down to them
Iraqis troops in Basra are apparently opposing Saddam Hussein's government. So that means now the only people who still support Hussein are the Republican Army, his top aides, and Michael Moore.
People are still wondering if Saddam Hussein still has control of Iraq. Have they seen video of the bombing of Baghdad? Saddam doesn’t have control of his bowels right now.
Hold the foam
Arkansas is getting its first Starbucks in the Little Rock area. In honor of the nearby Clinton Library, the sizes are short, tall, grande and Monica.
They have a drink called the Monica Lewinski. The Monica comes with an extra shot, but it ends up on a blue dress. (Folks, you have to understand, for a comedy writer to give up Clinton would be like asking a lawyer to give up lying)
And the winner is . . . CBS, NBC and HBO
The ratings are in for the Oscars and they are the lowest in almost thirty years. And that is even before Michael Moore opened his big yapper.
Roman Polanski won the Oscar for best director. Is that a good idea? Should we really give this guy a statue of a naked little person?
And the real loser is . . . .
Did you see Michael Moore at the Oscars? In his tuxedo, Moore looked more like the guy taking your ticket at the movie, not like a guy picking up an Oscar.
And the loser is . . . Barbra
At the Oscars, did you see the expression on Barbra Streisand’s face when she had to read that Eminem won the Oscar for best song? Babs was so disgusted you’d think she had to kiss Rush Limbaugh.
It’s not that Barbra doesn’t like Eminem, but ever since she has been on a low carb diet, Eminem reminds Barbra she can’t eat M&M’s.
Team Flipper
The Navy is using four dolphins, using their natural sonar abilities, to seek out mines or other explosive devices in Iraq. That has to be PETA supporter and war-protester Chrissie Hynde’s worst nightmare since she dreamed she hosted the Tammy Wynett Karaoke contest.
Using mammals to defeat Iraq. In fact, I think they call that Operation Chrissie Hynde’s nightmare.
Sweet sixteen and never been, well . . .
Well folks, it’s down to the sweet sixteen. But enough about the girl Roman Polanski is dating, how about that NCAA tournament?
The big Cinderella story in the NCAA tournament is Butler University of Indianapolis, Indiana. On Friday, if Butler can defeat number one seed Oklahoma, then every sports section in the country, that hasn’t already done it, can write the headline; “The Butler Did It”
Number #12 seeded Butler, a small school in Indiana, ousted #4 Louisville in a huge upset to advance to the sweet 16. Butler wouldn’t even have made it to the NCAA tournament, (Or as Vinny would say, Torn-ament) if the shortest and worst guy on the team hadn’t sank two underhand clutch free throws at the last minute of their conference game. Or was that in “Hoosiers”? Never mind.
I like Butler's chances against number one Oklahoma Friday. See, they held a town meeting and voted to oust the coach. But the best player backed him up, so they voted verbally, tore up the first results and declared; "Coach stays." Or was that in "Hoosiers"? Never mind.
Since you asked:
After the Oscars, I am more confused about Hollywood then ever. Let me see if I have this straight: Anyone who wants to get rid of a mass-murdering evil tyrant, Saddam Hussein, is bad. But a guy convicted of raping and sodomizing a 13-year-old girl, Roman Polanski, gets a standing ovation and an Oscar. And celebrities wonder why we think they are strange.
Hollywood is amazing. It took a guy who became famous for making documentaries that make fun of rich, out-of-touch, self-righteous, elitist jerks, Michael Moore, and it turned him, Michael Moore, into a rich, out-of-touch, self-righteous elitist jerk.
So it’s down to them
Iraqis troops in Basra are apparently opposing Saddam Hussein's government. So that means now the only people who still support Hussein are the Republican Army, his top aides, and Michael Moore.
People are still wondering if Saddam Hussein still has control of Iraq. Have they seen video of the bombing of Baghdad? Saddam doesn’t have control of his bowels right now.
Hold the foam
Arkansas is getting its first Starbucks in the Little Rock area. In honor of the nearby Clinton Library, the sizes are short, tall, grande and Monica.
They have a drink called the Monica Lewinski. The Monica comes with an extra shot, but it ends up on a blue dress. (Folks, you have to understand, for a comedy writer to give up Clinton would be like asking a lawyer to give up lying)
And the winner is . . . CBS, NBC and HBO
The ratings are in for the Oscars and they are the lowest in almost thirty years. And that is even before Michael Moore opened his big yapper.
Roman Polanski won the Oscar for best director. Is that a good idea? Should we really give this guy a statue of a naked little person?
And the real loser is . . . .
Did you see Michael Moore at the Oscars? In his tuxedo, Moore looked more like the guy taking your ticket at the movie, not like a guy picking up an Oscar.
And the loser is . . . Barbra
At the Oscars, did you see the expression on Barbra Streisand’s face when she had to read that Eminem won the Oscar for best song? Babs was so disgusted you’d think she had to kiss Rush Limbaugh.
It’s not that Barbra doesn’t like Eminem, but ever since she has been on a low carb diet, Eminem reminds Barbra she can’t eat M&M’s.
Team Flipper
The Navy is using four dolphins, using their natural sonar abilities, to seek out mines or other explosive devices in Iraq. That has to be PETA supporter and war-protester Chrissie Hynde’s worst nightmare since she dreamed she hosted the Tammy Wynett Karaoke contest.
Using mammals to defeat Iraq. In fact, I think they call that Operation Chrissie Hynde’s nightmare.
Sweet sixteen and never been, well . . .
Well folks, it’s down to the sweet sixteen. But enough about the girl Roman Polanski is dating, how about that NCAA tournament?
The big Cinderella story in the NCAA tournament is Butler University of Indianapolis, Indiana. On Friday, if Butler can defeat number one seed Oklahoma, then every sports section in the country, that hasn’t already done it, can write the headline; “The Butler Did It”
Number #12 seeded Butler, a small school in Indiana, ousted #4 Louisville in a huge upset to advance to the sweet 16. Butler wouldn’t even have made it to the NCAA tournament, (Or as Vinny would say, Torn-ament) if the shortest and worst guy on the team hadn’t sank two underhand clutch free throws at the last minute of their conference game. Or was that in “Hoosiers”? Never mind.
I like Butler's chances against number one Oklahoma Friday. See, they held a town meeting and voted to oust the coach. But the best player backed him up, so they voted verbally, tore up the first results and declared; "Coach stays." Or was that in "Hoosiers"? Never mind.
Since you asked:
After the Oscars, I am more confused about Hollywood then ever. Let me see if I have this straight: Anyone who wants to get rid of a mass-murdering evil tyrant, Saddam Hussein, is bad. But a guy convicted of raping and sodomizing a 13-year-old girl, Roman Polanski, gets a standing ovation and an Oscar. And celebrities wonder why we think they are strange.
Hollywood is amazing. It took a guy who became famous for making documentaries that make fun of rich, out-of-touch, self-righteous, elitist jerks, Michael Moore, and it turned him, Michael Moore, into a rich, out-of-touch, self-righteous elitist jerk.
posted by Alex at
2:06 PM
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