"Paging MS. McRighteous, MS. Crankinah McRighterous...."

So there's that, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


A woman credits stopping to buy a sticky bun with saving her life at the Boston Marathon; for those keeping score at home, that is sticky buns saving a person’s life, 1, sticky buns killing people with heart disease and diabetes, seven million. 


Since you asked:
Not to go into gross gastrointestinal details of what I ate and what just transpired, but suffice it to say nobody should ever have to exit a bathroom screaming like Nancy Kerriigan after getting knee-whacked; 

"Whhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyy?" 

Whew.

Sure, these are divisive times, controversial times, polarized times. And yes, what I am about to say is going to alienate some people. However, there is simply more to life than not upsetting someone, so here it is:

As of now, I prefer sliced raw yellow onions on my burger to sauteed, caramelized yellow onions. 

Boom goes the 'versy. 

Really, really sorry other-important-stuff-happening-in-the-news, but right now I only care about nailing that nasty, cowardly jizz-wadd(s) who blew up innocent children and marathon runners. 

To paraphrase some insane Maryland sorority girl, I want to c*nt- punt that stank-nozzle harder than a forshizzy bidizzy...