Thursday, April 11, 2013

This does not do Mammoth justice, but gives you and idea how beautiful it is

We gonna go full ‘tard on they tuchus, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The cell phone is 40-years-old. Thank god for the cell phone or I wouldn’t be able to go to the grocery store and hear some idiot yell; “So I should get fat-free or non-fat milk?”

NBC has given the “Tonight Show” to a younger host, but Leno’s ratings are still #1. Hey, I got an idea, how about if they give Jay an NBC show at 10? Wait, why does that sound familiar?

President Barack Obama called the California Attorney General, Kamala Harris, the best looking attorney general. Then he had to apologize for calling her the best looking attorney general. Then he had to apologize to the 49 other attorney generals for not calling them the best looking. Then he had to apologize for calling them good looking.

Since you asked:

What an amazing trip to Mammoth. Trip started with much trepidation on my part. Got my car tuned up and was informed the air bags did not work. So I decided to rent a Ford Explorer.

Great idea.

But then I was still facing the daunting concept of driving 400 miles and back with a 7-month-old puppy and a grumpy 14-year-old. (AC’s friend Onnie was going to go with us, but had to cancel and A.C, was not happy) 

So how did a six –and-a-half hour-each-way road trip with a puppy and a teen girl go? (Knock on wood three times) It was a blast. Wally was a dream road-dog. Ann Caroline was in a great mood (AC is in a good mood 98% of the time) and loved the drive.

Mammoth is so beautiful and so amazing. Just tear-inducing gorgeous and majestic. We got so lucky and had a six-inch snowfall on Sunday night, and Monday was almost ideal. It was bright sunshine, but cold and windy and still really icy in places which is awful on a snowboard.

Me? I fell on the rock-hard ice the first three times I came off the lift. New board, new bindings, high cold winds and ice are too much to deal with at once. But after that, I rallied. Turned really well – in fact, the best I have ever turned on groomed runs.

After my third straight slam on the ice falling off the lift, I had an existential crisis. Imagine ice-skating and getting a fast head of steam going only to trip and slam face first. Same thing. If I hadn’t had a helmet, I would have been concussed, Gwen Stefani. (No Doubt)

So after the third hard fall off the chair on ice, I limp over to a bench for snowboarders to sit and strap my back foot in. The cold wind is howling. My gloves are now soaked from being the snow after a bunch of falls. Had to take off my soaked gloves to manage the cinching of the binding straps and my hands hurt like hell. My feet were cold and my ribs ached from the falls.

No lie, if I was a ten-year-old child, I would have been sobbing. Then I hear someone yell:

“Hey, UCSB, when did you graduate?” 

A guy on a snowboard comes up and yells after seeing my Navy blue winter jacket with UCSB in yellow/gold on the back.

“’81. I’m old.” And I was not lying, I was feeling every day of 54 at that moment.

“Awesome,” he says as he deftly straps his back foot in the rear binding. He stands up and says;

“I graduated in ‘73. Love that place. See you.”

And then he takes off at a 100 mph carving beautiful turns and is out of sight in a few seconds.”

He was my guardian 62-year-old Gaucho angel. At that instant I stopped feeling sorry for myself, strapped in and really started carving some nice turns on the groomed part of the runs. 

The rest of the trip, as long as I had my UCSB jacket on, I ran into my beloved alums everywhere I went in Mammoth.

At the end of the day had a couple Mai Tais at the bottom and I was in UCSB alum heaven.