This cracks me up, because this is the exact spot I did stand up paddle boarding for the first time. Baby Beach at Dana Point.


We gonna lay the wood to the good, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


It is still hot, I’m sweating like Atlanta pastor Eddie Long at a Justin Bieber concert.

The owner of the Segway company, Jimi Heselden, drove his Segway off a cliff and died. Sadly, Heselden wasn’t one of the millions of people who wouldn’t be caught dead on a Segway.

Rough week for Elmo. Elmo’s “Sesame Street” segment with Katy Perry was cut because she had too much cleavage, then a man attacked a man in an Elmo costume at a Florida show for kids. Now, along with Tickle Me Elmo, Fisher-Price is coming out with the new “Bite Me, Elmo.”

Sadly, George Blanda passed away at 83. He was a quarterback who played 26 seasons in the NFL. To put that in perspective, to surpass Blanda, Brett Favre will have to retire and comeback seven more times.

The New York Jets defeated the Miami Dolphins 31-23. What was with those Miami Dolphin orange jerseys? The bad news is the jerseys are an ugly florescent orange, the good news? The players can wear them to work off their community service sentence cleaning the highway.

There is a new claim that the Titanic sunk due to a last-minute mistake in steering by the helmsman. Wow, that is one crack team of insurance investigators, they got right on that.

A young man dropped the F-bomb on “Jeopardy.” Alex Trebek was so shocked he nearly fell off of his high horse.

Alex Trebek was so upset by the F-bomb he threatened to wash the young man’s mouth out with his lavender-scented bubble bath.

The Chicago Bears beat the Green Bay Packers 20-17 on Monday Night Football. At one point they showed Packer’s defensive coordinator, Dom Capers. Here’s my question: What the hell was that thing on Caper’s head? The helmets on the players looked more like hair than that thing.


Since you asked:

Awesome night last night at Petco, Bark Park, the Friendly Canines, Fido Field, even though my Cubbies lost. With my great buddies, O’Snake, ‘Corn and Ronnie-B. The following conversation took place between me and Ronnie-B while standing in line for beer.

Ronnie-B: “How come you’ve never tried the new Bud Light Lime?”

Me: “Because I don’t have a vagina?”


Not sure if you were aware of this, Slattitoys and Nuggifieds, but every rose has its thorns. And every cowboy sings a sad, sad song.

So true. So . . . true.

(Polite applause)

Lex's List of the Five Greatest Athletes of all Time:

Jim Thorpe

Rafer Johnson

Jim Brown

Secretariat

Jackie Robinson

(If Michael Jordan could have hit a baseball or golf ball, he would replace someone)

One of my favorite stories in all of sports is from a witness of Secretariat's Triple Crown- clinching Belmont win. As Big Red rounded the turn to home amid wildly loud cheers on the way to a 31- length win, the crowd purportedly grew increasingly and oddly quiet. So many people watching had suddenly succumbed to the emotions of this amazingly transcendent and ethereal moment and many began quietly weeping with joy and overwhelming amazement at the sheer beauty of what they were so incredibly fortunate to witness.

Yeah, but sports isn't really important . . .