Thursday, September 23, 2010

I've been places and 'et in Hotels, but I ain't never seen me no Merengue dancing dog before, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

In the New York Giants 38-14 loss to the Indianapolis Colts, Giant running back Brandon Jacobs, upset about playing time, threw his helmet into the stands. Jacobs might be the stupidest guy in the league, and that league has a guy who thought hosting dog fights was a good idea.

Carl Paladino, the republican running for New York governor, said Manhattan was filled with smug, pampered, self-important liberal elitists. Upon hearing this, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg became so incensed he slapped his personal tooth brusher, Maurice.

Paris Hilton avoided jail time for her cocaine arrest and received a one-year-probation and 200 hours of community service. The best service Paris Hilton could provide the community is go to jail for a year.

After failing her drug test, a judge ordered Lindsay Lohan to appear in court at 8:30 am on Friday. I still don’t think Lindsay gets it. Upon hearing of the 8:30 am Friday court date, Lindsay said; “Can we make it later on Friday? I’m going to be doing drugs late on Thursday night.”

It was announced Michael Vick is not the starting QB job for the Philadelphia Eagles. Ironically, as a candidate for the starting job, Vick is still an underdog.

It has been a rough time for Reggie Bush, first he broke up with Kim Kardashian, then he had to give back his Heisman Trophy now he broke his leg; this is the worst year anyone named Bush has had who didn’t declare “Mission Accomplished” and choke on a pretzel.

Since you asked:

Daughter, 12: "Dad, why didn't they show Katy Perry on "Sesame Street"?

Me: "I don't know."

Daughter, 12: "Dad, what is cleavage?"

Me: "I don't know."

Daughter, 12: "I Google'd Katy Perry. Dad, why did she sing a song "I Kissed a Girl"?

Me: (Loud guzzling noises from me chugging my wine)

Thanks a lot "Sesame Street." Thanks to you, I am drunk. Now I can't enjoy those snotty jerks at Blockbuster going bankrupt. If only they could have figured out how to charge for rewinding a DVD.