Len and Bob bring it Sinatra style: Like it do be do be do

Hey, Chicago, whadaya say, the Cubs are gonna win today, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


The Gulf is leaking so much oil it is making me sentimental about my first car. Bless you baby-poop brown Skyflea – Root beer brown Skylark – wherever you are.


Twice-sex-assault charged Pittsburgh Steeler, Ben Roethlisberger just finished a league ordered behavioral evaluation. It turns out Ben has a giant case of Schmuck-atosis.


Accused rapist Lawrence Taylor told TMZ he only pleasured himself, not the woman. In legal circles this is known as the Pee Wee defense.


The next “Playboy” is in 3-D issue complete with 3-D glasses; the 3-D makes the naked women look lifelike and real. Is that a good idea? If “Playboy” subscribers wanted to look at real women, they wouldn’t be looking at “Playboy.”


The next “Playboy” is in 3-D issue complete with 3-D glasses; the 3-D makes the naked women look lifelike and real. This is going to scare the heck out of a lot of regular “Playboy” fans.


The next “Playboy” is in 3-D issue complete with 3-D glasses; the 3-D makes the naked women look lifelike and real. It’s part of “Playboy” goal to make its subscribers realize how much they’re missing out by not having sex with real women.


The next “Playboy” is in 3-D issue complete with 3-D glasses; the 3-D makes the naked women look lifelike and real. It even has a sound chip that has the woman say: “Why don’t we ever go out?” “Would it kill you to put the toilet seat back down?” “Does this make me look fat?” “Why don’t you like my friends?” “Is that what you’re going to wear?”

Since you asked:

Man, I really like the Cubs this year. Love Alcatraz (Byrd man) Always have loved D “-lerious” Lee. Love sweet, sweet, sweeter than sweet sweet Lou Piniella. Love Bob and Len in the booth and out in the bleachers. Fukudome is my homay. F- note and The Riot are awesome, I hope the Note gets more starting time. Like “Shumway” Alfonso if he would stop d*cking round in the outfield. Love the new owner, Tom Ricketts. Man, Tom reminds me of a bunch of my old Chicago boys.

But mostly I love that Milton Bradley is not on the team.

You want a simple and easy recipe that will make your steaks and potatoes taste like a dream?

Slice a head of garlic in half sideways, drizzle both halves with EVOO loosely wrap in tin foil and place in oven at 400 for about 35-40 minutes. Let the browned cloves cool. Squeeze the garlic – keeping out the paper-like shell into a small bowl. Mix in three tablespoons of butter. Big splash of Worcestershire sauce, big ol’ dollop-o-mustard, mix well mushing the garlic cloves smooth with a fork. Put it back in fridge to get slightly hardened.

Serve liberally on hot beef or potatoes.




Man, do I like the cut of Chicago Cubs owner, Tom Ricketts jib. (Did I just say I like the cut of his jib? Yikes) Ricketts seems so familiar to me. Either I have met him in Chicago, or he is just a down-to-earth classic, nice, smart, funny no-b.s. Chicago guy.


Yo, T-Bone. (Ricketts looks like a guy who can handle a nickname) Here’s the deal. You’re a smart guy, I’m a smart guy. You love the Cubs, I love the Cubs. You’re a happily married guy with a family, I’m a happily married guy with a family. You’re a stock broker, I was a stock broker, you’ve got a sense of humor, I’m a funny guy. You’ve got a billion dollars . . . OK, here’s the deal.

Hire me, moi, as a comedy writing consultant for the Chicago Cubs. Cubs fans at their very core have a wonderful sense of humor. You needed a sense of humor if you were a Cubs fan in 1969 and 1984 or you would be dead. Hire me to write jokes, quips one-liners for your speeches, for Bob and Len to use on the air, or in press releases, whatever you need.

Stop laughing, I am being semi-serious here.

Make no mistake about it I am a comedy writing whore who can be had for a price. From e-mails or text messages or phone calls I can be contacted to come up with quips or jokes on a moments notice making them appear as spontaneous and improvisational as humanly possible.

And all of this service can be had for a mere $50 K a year, the price of one of sweet Lou’s company cars. (Hey, I said I was a comedy writing whore, I didn’t say I was a crack ‘ho)

Call me or email me at lexkase@san.rr.com

Let's put some air under this pig and make it fly.

Oh, and Nike, the offer to stop making jokes about your pants unzipping man-whore stable of skank humpers, like Woods and Roethlisberger, still stands. Let's say $100K.

Two words: Kah and Ching.