It was then Diego began considering a career in car sales

Hey, hey, my, my, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


The fallout from the strict Arizona immigration law continues. Today El Pollo Loco changed its name to The Whacko Chicken.


United Airlines is merging with Continental Airlines. Good thing Continental didn’t merge with Germany’s InterSky, that would form Incontinent Airlines.


More information is out about failed Times Square bomber, Faisal Shahzad. Turns out he was a loser professionally, socially and romantically. Even if he had blown himself up, instead of 72 virgins in heaven, he would have only gotten one 72-year-old virgin.


Siobhan Magnus got the boot on “American Idol” But don’t worry about her, Siobhan is going to join Sade in the “Missing H-in-their-name” tour.


At a Wisconsin pub where the patrons were cheering for the Milwaukee Bucks in a playoff game chanting “Fear the deer,” two deer crashed in through the window. It’s the oddest coincidence since Pee Wee Herman joined a New York Yankee party.


The Shady Lady brothel in Nevada became the first to hire a male prostitute for female clients. $500 for sex. Cuddling, sensitive listening and sharing feelings sold separately.


Diminutive actor Seth Green got married last week. It was cute, the couple wrote their own vows and he read his part while sitting on the bride’s lap.



More information is coming out about the attempted Times Square bomber, Faisal Shahzad. Turns out he played online poker on Facebook. Shahzad played with his poker buddies, Jihad, Mullah, Osama and one guy called “Death to Infidels” Fidel.


Continental is merging with United Airlines. Now if United and Continental merged with the Department of Transportation they would form Un-Constipation.


Since you asked:

Why Are Sports Writers Such Spineless Dorks?

Once again with the “SI” scorching-unflattering portrait of Ben Roethlisberger, as with Tiger Woods, it took a huge scandal for sports writers to grow a pair and stop kissing a successful athletes butt to reveal what a colossally huge a-hole they are and have been all along.

It didn’t take me five seconds of meeting Michael Irvin for me to figure out this guy was a psycho megalomaniac capable of the worst in human behavior. Many years later, Irvin stands accused of rape. But, prior to that, the national and Dallas press couldn’t smooch Irvin’s butt hard enough.

Maybe if all of the countless incidents the local Pittsburgh press witnessed of Roethlisberger groping women, vulgarly insulting them, treating service people like garbage and skipping out on bar tabs had been reported, Roethlisberger’s poor behavior would have been publicized and the sexual attack of at least two women may have been prevented.

But the Pittsburgh press was too busy smooching Pig Ben’s fat, ugly, hairy ass.

Pig Ben most-likely raped a hotel worker in his room and a bar patron in the bathroom in part because he felt bulletproof thanks to the coddling of him by the Pittsburgh press. They knew how Pig Ben behaved, but he won a Super Bowl, so they let his atrocities go unreported.

In his now second sexual assault charge, the evidence has a pretty, albeit intoxicated, 20-year-old Georgia coed emerging from being alone in a bar bathroom with Pig Ben screaming hysterically and with a savage bump on her head that required immediate hospitalization. Oh, and she has Pig Ben’s “swimmers” on her clothes.

How is this steaming pile of filth called Roethlisberger not in prison? A six game suspension? That isn’t a slap on his hairy palms.

And how about those smug flaming hypocrites at Nike? From eyewitness experience, I know for a fact the offices of Nike are chocked tight with full-blown Vegan radical feminists who can kick my ass up and down a mountain bike trail or softball field. How dare they support and work for a company that supports and pays Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant and Ben Roethlisberger? How do they sleep at night?


How many Ryan Leaf’s does the NFL brass and press have to tolerate before they finally figure out covering up for a world class schmuck will not pay off? The public has the right and the need to know if a famous athlete is, at least, like Leaf, a vile wretch of a useless oxygen thief, or worse, a potential sexual predator or homicidal felon. And, as was the case with O.J. Simpson, two people paid that price of press-fueled-image-deceit with their lives.

The forensic evidence in the Ray Lewis murder trial clearly showed the victim’s blood on Lewis’s fur coat meant only one of two things: he either stabbed the victim, or held the victim while he was stabbed. And yet Lewis walks free, praises Jesus every chance he gets and is considered a hero by countless thousands. It is my deep-rooted belief Ray Lewis will murder again when fortified with enough booze and drugs.

From what I gathered of Ben Roethlisberger’s character, or lack thereof, from the “Sports Illustrated” article, despite his new bad publicity and narrowly dodging two sexual assault convictions, Pig Ben will undoubtedly drunkenly sexually attack some other father’s daughter. At that point, Pig Ben will finally go to prison.

But by that point, it will be way too late for the daughter and her father. And spineless sportswriters will be partially responsible.

And Nike's* image is so soiled now, their motto should be;

Just do-do it.




* Dear Nike:

If someone there is reading this - and I know you paranoid Google-crazed a-holes are - I will stop picking on you for a price. A hefty price. Like you, my soul can be purchased.