Cheeses and butter and nuts and such, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers



Some controversy at the Vancouver Olympics. Today three of the men’s figure skaters tested positive for Appletinis.



Some controversy at the Vancouver Olympics. One of the men curling sweepers tested positive for a dust buster.




Tiger is scheduled to talk to the press on Friday. It’s the launch of Tiger’s “Too Little Too Late” World Tour.

Several thoughts pop up. First the timing is suspect, it will upstage the Accenture Match Play. Accenture was the first sponsor to dump Tiger, so the timing of the press conference shows absolutely no class at all and is, in fact, petty and vindictive.

Which leads to my second thought. No matter how atrociously an athlete behaves, there have always been a few of their fellow athletes to come out and publicly support them. Even Michael Vick had a number of players who supported him, much to their dismay when the public lashed back at them.

But not one single golfer came out and supported Tiger besides the transparent; “I hope he and his family can work this out.” Even Tiger’s alleged good friend Mark O’Meara did not say word one. Clearly Tiger’s aloofness and his bully camp and his thug caddy, Steve Williams, his famous tipping cheapness, down to his phony family man act while blatantly debauching with every tart on tour created resentment and animosity that went way beyond the increase in money Tiger brought to the tour.

A few of the players - I forget who - even took a swipe at Tiger’s wife, Elin saying she would never leave Tiger because he is the money maker and she is about the money.

And as Accenture will verify, Tiger is vindictive as hell. Tiger, ala Michael Jordan, needs to have hated enemies to get his blood flowing and apparently there will be no shortage of them when and if he does return to the tour. Ernie "The Big Easy" Els called Tiger selfish for doing the press conference during the tournament.

In the words of the great announcer, Keith Jackson, when it comes to the tour players and Tiger Woods, these folks just flat out don’t care for one another.

And holding a press conference that upstages a tournament will not help. In fact, it is possible that Tiger is suddenly aware - outside of his butt-smooching inner Nike/IMG circle - that he is so unwanted and his image is so destroyed, and his path to redemption is so rocky, he might finally realize it, say screw this and announce he is retiring. Now that, if what some of the player insinuated about her is true, would make Elin angry.

But that is doubtful. Now that we know the real dark side of Tiger, there are too many scores to settle and he can’t do that from his Yacht, Privacy.

So finally we will get to see which is the real Tiger. Is the real Tiger the angry club-throwing, swearing golf shot monster in a red shirt and black hat terrifying his opponents on Sunday afternoon? Or is the real Tiger the pathetic figure described during his layoff to be depressed and eating Fruit Loops cereal in his underwear while watching “Flintstones” cartoons?

Is Tiger the handsome young lion - excuse my mixing my animal metaphors - in the Green Masters Jacket at beautiful Augusta? Or is Tiger the dork nicknamed Urkle in tube socks actually named Eldrick from a dated faux wood, aluminum and Formica tract home in the shade of the freeway in smoggy Bellflower?

Is Tiger the loving husband getting adoring licks from his dogs curled up on the couch with his beautiful wife and gorgeous children? Or is Tiger the sloppy drunk at last call pawing the Orlando cocktail waitress named Amber, she of the spray tan, skin sparkles, tramp stamp and hair extensions?

Friday we will get a glimpse.