Do you wish someone a happy or merry Snowmageddon, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

A clothing company has made pajama pants that look like blue jeans, so you can roll out of bed without putting on pants. They are available in various shades of blue from “My life sucks” azure, to “What’s the point of trying?” cobalt and “I’m just waiting to die” navy.

And they come with a handy Velcro hole in the seat when life invariably butt-hoses you for being a lazy slob.

Kate Gosselin, of “Jon & Kate Plus Eight” is coming out with a book in April. Oh good, as a writer, that gives me a little time before I have to kill myself.

Since you asked:

The other night I mentioned my urge to clink and swirl my San Diego Sunset (Mount Gay Rum on the rocks with a big splash of coconut water and a lime) in a nice tumbler glass while shaking cocktail peanuts in my right hand and popping them in my mouth while playing online poker. Feet up on the desk.

This being a great country, I was able to accomplish all of the above, but instead of saying words like paradigm and outsource and duality and theory-wise , the words crap and punk kept popping out instead as in;

“I don’t want any crap, you got that, punk?”

And;

“I’ve crapped bigger than you, punk. You punks are crappy, you crappy punks.”

I know, not pretty. And not only that, but I lost my ass – it is fake money, but still – in online poker. I lost a flush to a higher flush.

Probably lost to a crappy punk.

Speaking of a crappy punk, I have a new award I mentally hand out I call the Dewgie “Bag of Dicks” award. This goes to the utter tool of the day. Today’s winner was some load who sped up on a busy side street to pass me, cut me off and then slowed down to turn right in front of me. That’s a lot of effort to be a total douche bag.

Congratulations ass-wipe in the white BMW coup with the Jesus fish on the back, you are today’s Dewgie “Bag of Dicks.”