Oh, darn, did I put this in again by mistake? Oops.

This just in:

To be blunt, I was not impressed by the Olympics last night. The skiing was not good, there wasn’t very good skating, there was no sledding at all. And when did Ellen Degeneres become a figure skating judge anyway?

In two separate surveys, Fresno was ranked the stupidest city and the drunkest city. If it also gets named the fattest and ugliest city, Fresno will have to change its name to Darrell, after my sister-in-law’s ex-husband.

In two separate surveys, Fresno was ranked the stupidest city and the drunkest city. You know a city has it tough when even Trenton is making jokes about you.


More sporting facts about Canada are coming out due to the Olympics; did you know the native Inuit dogs pull sleds their whole lives but they hardly ever enter the Iditarod Dogsled race? Why? The Inuit are just not into it.


In an interview when asked how it felt to be an Olympian, US snowboarder, Graham Watanabe said;

“Try to imagine Pegasus mating with a unicorn and the creature that they birth. I somehow tame it and ride it in the sky in the clouds and sunshine and rainbows.”

And they accuse snowboarders of using drugs. Where do they get that?


An Italian chef’s cooking show was suspended after he admitted on air he ate and liked cat stew; and you don’t even want to know what pet he puts into his recipe for Fettuccini al Fido.


Funniest thing I have read on Twitter so far? A woman who wrote:

"A child at my son's school told the teacher "I am not wearing any underwear, just like my Mom." Gosh, I bet that woman really embarrassed myself."

Since you asked:

As a thorough researcher attempting to mine comedy from sports, I (cough) researched the swimsuit edition of "Sports Illustrated." And by swimsuit, I mean these suits have as much to do with swimming as gentlemen have to do with Gentlemen's clubs.

What I gleaned, what I learned, what I deciphered, what I gathered is that there is almost no possible way to un-hot a hot chick. They put these poor girls in sand, dirt, mud, they get them hot and sweaty, the paint over them, they cover them in animals including slimy lizards and disgusting pigeons, and guess what?

They're still hot.

In fact, the only possible way to un-hot a totally hot "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit cover model, like Bar Refaeli?

Put her on "Letterman" and let her talk. She went from a 10 to a 5 in two sentences flat.