This just in:

Bill Clinton underwent a procedure to have two stints placed in his heart after experiencing heart pains. Or as Dick Cheney calls this: Thursday.

Clinton is reportedly recovering nicely and has already hit on two nurses, an intern and the massage therapist.

There is so much snow, New York City is now officially whiter than John Mayer's white supremacist penis.

John Mayer stopped mid-concert and started crying. Which is unusual, because usually it is his audience members who cry.