Yah freakin' hooo

I would like to be the first to wish all dyslexics a Yappie Hew Near


The Nigerian terrorist on the Northwest flight to Detroit pulled down his pants and his whole plan blew up on his crotch. As a result, investigators have nicknamed him Tiger Woods.

The general consensus is that if 2009 was a medical procedure, it would require a proctologist issuing a profuse apology.

The Nigerian terrorist on the Northwest flight to Detroit had his explosive device catch fire in his lap. The good news is the commotion woke up the pilots and they didn’t miss the airport.

In Colorado, Charlie Sheen was arrested for domestic violence on Christmas; Sheen is the spokesperson for Hanes Underwear. My attorney has just advised me not to disclose the wife-beater- t-shirt joke I was just about to tell.

Since you asked:

Notice how you hear; “I’m tired, but it’s a good tired.” You hardly ever hear; “I’m broke, but it’s a good broke”

Words that should never go together:

Anal Bleaching

Explosive Diarrhea

Interpretive Jazz

Freelance Poetry

Discount Sushi

Rush Limbaugh


(My loathing of Rush is not a political thing. It is a He-is-a-bloated-douche-bag-wildly-under-qualified-egomaniac-bully-A-hole thing.

Did our tradition of watching the great "Some Like It Hot" on New Year's. Problem this time was I noticed the uncanny resemblance between an old high school ex and Jack Lemmon as Daphne. But I think my ex liked women a lot more.