Friday, December 18, 2009

One more of the Ying and Yang doggies, Kasey - in front - and Wrigley

The New England Patriot's mascot, Pat the Patriot, was arrested for soliciting a prostitute. It get's worse: he asked her to dress up as the San Diego Chicken.

A great present for you and your kids this Christmas? The Northwest Airlines Airplane bed. It puts your kids right to sleep.

This is so good

Hate the hatin’, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Be honest, how many of you, at the start of the year, thought you would have a much better year than both Michael Jackson and Tiger Woods?

I’m not a mathematician, but isn’t it almost statistically impossible that Tiger Woods has not had sex with Paris Hilton?

Tiger Woods and is wife Elin are reportedly undergoing intense and lengthy in-house marriage counseling, or as guys call that: Hell.

Rumor has it Tiger Woods once hooked up with Jessica Simpson; both sides deny it, but at this point, Tiger denying having sex with anyone is like Kirsty Alley denying she ate the last donut.

The Sports Editors of America named Tiger Woods athlete of the decade; I’m sorry, I read that wrong, it is athlete of the decadence.

One rumor has Tiger Woods moving to France. And if there is one place that screams sexual fidelity, it has to be France. Even Brazil makes fun of how horny the French are.

Video game maker EA Sports and the trading card company, Upper Deck, are sticking with Tiger Woods despite his multiple hot women sex affairs. That’s because guys who play video games and collect trading cards don’t know what the words multiple hot women sex affairs even mean.

Tiger Woods high school sweetheart, Dina Parr, a pretty and nice girl, said Tiger broke up with her with a letter; and if you’ve seen the quality of Tiger’s girlfriends since Dina Parr, you know that Tiger has been going steadily under Parr.

A U. of Penn study reveals alcohol was prevalent in almost all cultures throughout history; China made beer, wine was in the ancient Mediterranean and in Egypt they discovered a drink the Pharaohs liked called the Larry King: one drink and you keep interrupting your guests.

Since you asked:

“The Hangover” on DVD? Oh my word. It is great. There is no way I can over sell it, it is so fun. It really is as good as a fun boy’s trip to Las Vegas without the time, hassle, smell of secondary smoke on your clothes masking the cheap stripper perfume, the hangovers and the loss in revenue due to gambling.

“The Hangover” made me so happy to know, as far as Las Vegas is concerned, I have been there and done that. In fact, my next trip to Las Vegas is with my family for a soccer tournament. How married with a child is that? And I don’t even care. The soccer part is what I am looking forward to. And maybe a few hands of Texas Hold ‘em and black jack. And a good steak. And rum. And wine.

But that’s it.

Crazy Carmel Valley Soccer Mom Story, # 795.

So I am driving home with Ann Caroline from her school, parked along the curb is a woman who has her wheels turned out and is obviously wanting to merge into the street. As I am driving by I see she slowly starts to pull out, but is going to narrowly miss me, so I keep on going. She isn't looking so when she finally sees me in front of her, she slams on the break and lays on her horn. Got that? Because I had the nerve not to stop in the middle of the street to let her in front of me, this crazy bitch blasts her horn at me.