Dude, your life so sucks right now . . .

Happy Hanukkah, or for Tiger Woods, Happy Hornykkah.


The New England Patriot mascot, Pat the Patriot, was arrested for soliciting an undercover cop posing as a prostitute. He offered her an extra $100 if she would launch his Patriot missile.


Virgin Atlantic will offer space flights to passengers for $200,000. Good news for Tiger Woods, he can finally join the 50-mile-high club.


The New England Patriot mascot, Pat the Patriot, was arrested for soliciting an undercover cop posing as a prostitute. That is shocking, a guy with a great gig wearing a big foam mascot outfit can’t score babes on his own?


Tiger Woods’s wife, Elin, was photographed getting gas conspicuously without her wedding ring. You think that’s bad? Tiger Woods was seen in his local gym showering without his penis.


“The New York Times” reported a doctor who treated Tiger Woods was arrested October 15th, at the Canadian border, for having human growth hormone. But I am sure Tiger Woods is innocent, when have the words Tiger Woods and cheating ever been associated? Oh, yeah, right.


At a Brooklyn high school, two attractive female language teachers, one taught French, the other Spanish, were caught having lesbian sex. The women deny it claiming they were simply applying a little foreign tongue to each other.

The women claim they were just conjugating the verb do.


Former N.Y. Gov, Elliot Spitzer call girl, Ashley DuPree has been interviewed about the Tiger Woods scandal and she will write a relationship advice column for the “New York Post.” That’s when we’re in trouble, when our moral compass is a politician’s whore.


A Louisiana woman was arrested for pouring hot grits on her boyfriend while he was asleep. On the bright side, she committed the most red neck crime of all time surpassing former skater Tonya Harding hitting her boyfriend in the head in their trailer home with a hubcap ash trey.


Tiger Woods’s wife, Elin, was photographed getting her own gas sans wedding ring. That makes her the second person in her marriage caught pumping something without a ring.


Since you asked:

Another rousing game of:

Fun fake cell phone conversations to captive audiences:

“Now when you say it burns when you go, is it gargling Listerine burn or boiling water burn?”

“And just what makes you think I gave you an STD? Oh, yeah.”

“No kidding. When you woke up your wallet was gone?”

“She can call herself a sex therapist all she wants, Dude, if she’s charging you, she’s a hooker.”

“Since when does texting violate the restraining order?”

"You can have all the DNA tests you want, that is not my kid. Well, for starters, I'm not Asian."