Wednesday, November 18, 2009

This beautiful specimen is what I turned into an Argentine grill
Like this here

Oh, snap pop ditty, no he di’ . . .’nt, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

At a concert in Detroit, Bruce Springsteen repeatedly yelled “Hello Ohio.” Upon hearing this, Sarah Palin said; “Silly Bruce, everyone knows Detroit is a completely different state than Ohio.”

Australian scientists claim they have a way to naturally make women’s breasts more appealing to men. It’s called: more beer.

On “MNF” the Cleveland Browns lost to the Baltimore Ravens 16-0; I haven’t seen a match up this enthralling since what’s-that-city-whosey-names beat the other-place-what-do-you-call- thems something to nothing.

President Barack Obama is getting criticism from republicans for bowing to the Japanese emperor. Republicans prefer the old school diplomacy where President Bush senior threw up on the Japanese.

Terry Bradshaw said if there is one thing that is certain in life the Cincinnati Bengals do not beat the Steelers in Pittsburgh. Cincinnati won 18-12. As prognosticators go, Bradshaw is one hell of a hair grower. But I am not worried about retribution since Bradshaw thinks a prognosticator is the tool a proctologist uses for colonoscopies.

Carrie Prejean wrote a book “Still Standing.” Carrie Prejean, was fired by Miss California for not doing her job, she blamed topless photos of herself on the wind and she blamed several sex tapes on her ex-boyfriend. So what’s the book about? Taking responsibility.

In London a United Airlines pilot was kicked off his flight because he was too drunk to fly; they suspected he was drunk when he got excited when he found out the in-flight movie was “Paul Blart Mall Cop.”

Seven more solo sex tapes made by former Miss California, Carrie Prejean, have emerged. Apparently Prejean is a French word that means: hand jive.

Tonight’s “Monday Night Football” has the Baltimore Ravens against the Cleveland Browns. I don’t want to say the 1-8 Browns are bad, but their receivers don’t use their hands as much as Carrie Prejean.

Ashlee Simpson is going to be in “Chicago” on Broadway; this will allow Ashlee to take her inability to act and combine it with her inability to dance and sing.

At a concert in Detroit, Bruce Springsteen repeatedly yelled “Hello Ohio.” Bruce is not a spring chicken, for example, due to his age, Bruce’s songs “Hungry Heart” and “Dancing in the Dark” have changed to “Hungry Heartburn” and “Peeing in the Dark.”

Lex’s Flank Steak Sandwich recipe:

Sautee sliced sweet onions until caramelized golden brown.

Marinate flank steak in olive oil for at least one hour.

Slice tomatoes very thin.

Get French bread sandwich rolls.

Mix mayonnaise, ketchup and a dollop of mustard in a bowl. (Goop)

Soak mesquite wood chips and put them in a metal smoker

Prepare to turn your gas grill into an Argentine hardwood fire grill. (See above) Turn on far right gas grill burner to high, middle one medium, left one off (My grill has a infrared searing panel so it gets even hotter) Place smoker on far right of grill against the wall.

When the smoker is slightly smoking, place flank steak on far left side of grill over burner that is off. Ten minutes, flip it and pour olive oil it was marinating over the flank steak and salt it liberally with sea salt. Ten minutes, Now turn the left burner to low. Do this again.

As the steak starts to go from mushy to spongy to almost done, place it right over the hot right grill and sear for three minutes a side (flipping 90 degrees for cross grill marks) Whole steak should take about 30 minutes or a little more. (Time varies on how hot the grill)

Remove steak, drizzle with more olive oil, a tad more salt, tent loosely with tin foil. (Ten minutes)

Grill French rolls until toasty with grill marks.

Slice flank steak very thinly against the grain and on a bias.

Slather goop (mayo, ketchup and mustard) on the inside of the French roll, add sliced tomatoes, grilled onions and place the steak slices length-wise on the roll. Don't be stingy.

Devour with goblets full of a rich, good red wine.

Send me a check for $500, because I should be getting paid for these mother-humping chestnuts, yo Home Skippy.

Have you ever grilled peaches and bananas over hardwood for a grilled banana split? Then tear up your birth certificate, Slateenos and Nuggliests, because you have not lived.

If I may paraphrase Winston Churchill, never, in the history of human endeavor, have so many hated so many famous celebrities.

Here is the list of famous celebrities who right-thinking people despise, but whom they honestly believe they are beloved by all:

Brody Jenner

All the Kardashians

Paris Hilton

Lindsay Lohan


Spencer Pratt

Heidi Montag

Heidi Montag

Spencer Pratt

Andy Dick

Simon Cowell

Kevin Federline

Ashlee Simpson

Sarah Palin (Oh, come on, after what she did to McCain even republicans hate her now)

Levi Johnston

Rev. Al Sharpton

Rev. Jesse Jackson

Gloria Allred

John Edwards

Mark Sanford

Rod Blagojevich

Mrs. Blagojevich

Carrie Prejean

Jon and Kate Gosselin

The Octomom

Dr. Phil

Roseanne Barr

Rosie O'Donnell

Donald Trump

Tom Arnold

The Jonas Brothers