Monday, April 06, 2009

It is what it is until it isn’t what it is than it isn’t what it was, is it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

Sarah Palin is furious at Levi Johnston, the father of her daughter, Bristol’s baby Tripp, for spilling his guts about their sex life on “The Tyra Banks Show.” How furious? Right now Levi can see Sarah’s Russian AK47 from his house.

They call him Skipper . . .
A pink dolphin lives off the coast of Louisiana dubbed “Pinky.” Is Pinky gay? Let’s just say Pinky is just like any other dolphin except he brings a new meaning to the term blow hole.

Is Pinky gay? Let’s just say Pinky has been known to spread some vicious rumors about Flipper’s off-screen partners.

Not good
I had a rough weekend. My wife accidentally switched my Viagra with my Flomax; I had to get up five times in the middle of the night to have sex in the bathroom.

New digs
The new Yankee stadium is quite plush. They thought of everything. They even have a team eye, ear, nose and throat specialist for when Alex Rodriguez chokes in the Fall.

Since you asked:
Great Saturday night and Sunday. Had friends over for dinner. Lot’s of wine, laughs, music, grilled marinated steak with melted roasted garlic and mustard butter, and DVR’d NCAA Hoops.

Sunday morning it was Stand up paddle boarding at Torrey Pines. Good session. Paddled miles south to Black’s beach – naked old folks – and back. The waves were closing out – flopping over – so I did catch but a couple.

After I devoured an amazing Pollo Asada burrito from Roberto’s washed it down with a Stone Brewery beer and, as I was that awesome kind of tired all over that almost hurts, it was coma time. When I woke up an hour later I looked like the cartoon character who has bubbles coming out of his head.

Went to AC’s track practice and then it was linguine with a pink Vodka sauce more red wine and the DVD “Quantum of Solace.” Bond will always mean Sean Connery, but this Craig guy is a close second.
And the quality of the action scenes is so far ahead of the old corny, but classic, Connery fight scenes. But I loves me some old Bond films.

We used to have Octopussy now we have Octomom. How far we've fallen, Torns and Ranchers. How far we've fallen.

(Polite applause)

P.S. It is starting to worry me that my good buddy, Cletus "T-Bone" Terhune, may have a gambling problem. He tried to double down on his NCAA finals pick of Bagadouche New Jersey State Teacher's College against Wheezer Geek Academy of Gary Indiana.

But then maybe he is just stupid.

Movie review

Granted, it doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement to start out by saying a movie isn't very long. But if you want to economically waste time watching a dumb movie you can do a whole lot worse than the 93 minute "The House Bunny."

Honest to god Anna Faris is so cute she is edible. (No, not that way, you sick dog Cletus "T-Bone" Terhune) Like how my grandmother would gush; "Eww, I could eat you up." If a hot babe could be a pastry filled with a luscious cream filling, that is Anna Faris. And that girl is funny. Her facial expressions are priceless. It ain't easy being funny and playing dumb, but she pulls it off. Colin Hanks, on the other hand, could have been arrested for loitering. Oh, and if all of those movie stars kids say that it is no advantage to be a movie star's kid, how come 100% of movie stars kids make it in Hollywood where the failure rate is 99.9%?