Monday, March 30, 2009

We got the random with abandon up in this here beeee-yah-ha-yah-itch, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

NASA says the urine-to-drinking- water processor is malfunctioning on the Space station; they tried to put a positive spin on it by offering a new zesty asparagus-flavored Tang.

Donald Trump has his own line of meat. (no, the boxes aren’t topped with a toupee) Trump’s Kobe beef filet costs over $150 a pound. Nobody has paid that much for meat since, well, Alex Rodriguez and Elliot Spitzer.

That close
Front row seats at Yankee Stadium are going for $2,600. But they are good seats, you are close enough to inject steroids in the player’s butts.

Matt Lauer is not on the “Today” show after a run in on his bike with a deer. It was scary, right before the collision the deer looked like a Matt Lauer caught in the headlights.

Michelle Obama has started a vegetable garden in the White House lawn. It was a little awkward today when she dug up an empty crate of Viagra dated from the Clinton administration.

What a cut up
Robin Williams is doing well following heart surgery. Always the cut up, Williams woke from the operation and said; “What does a scar on my chest have to do with my penis reduction surgery?”

So far out
54-year-old Bruce Willis married 30-year-old Emma Hemming, a Victoria Secret model. To give you and idea, Hemming is so hot, she is out of Bruce Willis’s league and I can’t even buy a ticket to watch a game played in Bruce Willis’s league.

That’s how
The new $2000 car the Tata Nano is coming out. To give you an idea how stripped down this car is the radio is a kazoo.

So that’s good
The new $2000 car the Tata Nano is coming out. It is just ten feet long and the body contains plastic and there are no airbags. But, in case of an accident, they do provide a tag you wear that has your dental records.

A survey reveals 84% of women think it is OK to snoop through their man’s stuff. The other 16% are still creeped out from finding their man’s “Grannies Gone Wild” DVD.

Not likely
Matt Lauer is off the “Today” show after the talk show host ran into a deer on his bike. Incidentally, there is absolutely no chance you will ever hear the words Rush Limbaugh connected with talk show host ran into a deer on his bike.