Wednesday, November 12, 2008

That’s so bitchin’ it’s makin’ me itchin’, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The new James Bond movie opens this weekend and it’s titled “Quantum of Solace.” “I’ll take “Titles President Bush doesn’t understand” for $500, Alex.”

There’s no love loss between republican leaders and Sarah Palin. Both sides are trying to make nice, but I’m not sure; today republicans asked Dick Cheney to take Palin moose hunting.

President Bush gave President elect, Barack Obama, a tour of the White House. It was a little awkward, when Obama asked Bush what his biggest challenge was in the Oval Office, Bush replied; “That time mean ol’ Dick Cheney told me to find the penny in the corner."

“The View” hosts Joy Bahar and Elisabeth Hasselback are not speaking to each other. This marks the first time the words “The View” hosts and not speaking have ever been used together.

Archeologists have found a 4,300 year-old tomb. Excuse me, I’m getting emotional, I miss my ludicrous John McCain-is-so-old joke references.

Archeologists have found a 4,300 year-old Egyptian tomb. Upon hearing this, John McCain said; “So that is where house #8 is.”

Last week, President Bush’s dog, Barney, bit a reporter. This was the worst attack by a president’s dog since an intern was mauled by Bill Clinton’s dog Buddy. Clinton’s dog Buddy didn’t bite the woman but he did furiously hump her leg.

Reports are that Oprah Winfrey may leave her show in three years. Oprah would like to continue but by three years she will have collected all of the money in the world.