Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Why it gotta be all of that, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

How hot is it?
It is hot back East. In fact, it is so hot in Washington D.C. President Bush is sticking by Alberto Gonzales.

It is hot back East. It is so hot in Washington D.C. John Edwards was sweating like he was at Super Cuts.

Naughty Bits Park
In England they opened the world’s first sex theme park. You know what is really embarrassing? When a guy flunks the “You must be this big to get on this ride” test.

The least popular ride at the sex theme park? “It’s a small world.”

In England they opened the world’s first sex theme park. Sorry Disney, there is a new happiest place on earth.

Who knew?
Did you hear that phone message of Alec Baldwin’s to his daughter, Ireland? It was so bad Don Imus wants Baldwin fired.

Truth in Advertising
Erik Estrada received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Unfortunately, as a result they had to legally change the name to the Hollywood Walk of Has-beens.

Eating Crow
In her bid –excuse me – to wipe out global warming, Sheryl Crow is insisting we all use just one square of toilet paper each time we use the bathroom. I can think of two reasons why this isn’t a good idea: Tom and Arnold.

Except for this
Yahoo! announced plans to host online-only presidential debates during the 2008 campaign. This is the very first online presidential debate. If you don’t count the time President Clinton argued with the website “Hefty Interns ”about a charge on his credit card.

A man in Bensonville, AK, is demanding the city pay his two sons $10,000 each because they found a book in the public library on lesbian sex; the man said the two boys had many sleepless nights. Not to mention they also developed a wicked case of tennis elbow.

Get it together guys
Scientists say women will be able to get pregnant by converting their own bone marrow to sperm; OK, guys, that’s it, the parties over. Time to start putting toilet seats down, take out the garbage, turn off the game, ask for driving directions and even learn about foreplay or we are out of here.

Not good
Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich is planning to impeach vice president Dick Cheney. Upon hearing this, Cheney got so mad he threatened to shoot Kucinich’s supporter in the face.

Since you asked:
Smart move by ABC to dump Rosie O’Donnell.

Rosie was the TV equivalent of a car accident: it's horrible and ugly and you don’t want to watch but you have to. Her formula of garnering cheap publicity due to faux scandals and pissy fights, had a short shelf life. O’Donnell’s Q rating - which measures marketing power due to celebrity likeability - outside of Hollywood and New York, was horrible. Rosie’s personality was beyond abrasive and it was bound to catch up to a perky morning show.

Rosie's briefly novel nutty tirades were getting old fast and ABC knew it. Who wants to wake up to that every day?