Sunday, April 15, 2007

It is hard out here

We getting random with abandon up in this here up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Who knew?
Last week, the girls on “The View” demonstrated squat exercises including Rosie O’Donnell which surprised conservatives. They didn’t think Rosie knew squat.

Bound to happen
After losing three games at Wrigley Field, Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella lost his temper at a press conference. Apparently it just sunk in to Lou that he’s the manager of the Chicago Cubs.

Halle Berry was on “The View” Halle is 40. Rosie O’Donnell is 44. Halle, whatever you’re doing, keep doing it, girl. Rosie, whatever you’re doing, stop right now.

Dah flame
Chicago has been picked to be the United States’ candidate for the 2016 Olympics; or as Chicagoans call the Olympics: Dah Limb Picks.

“Does ‘dis bus go to dah limb picks?”

“No it goes beep beep.”

Thank you, Chicago, I’ll be here all week, try the bratwurst.

Whither Ted?
Remember actor Ted Levine? He played the serial killer Buffalo Bill in “Silence of the Lambs.” The good news for Levine? He just finished a movie with Russell Crowe and Denzel Washington called “American Gangster.” The bad news? Levine hasn’t been laid since “Silence of the Lambs” came out in ‘91.

“Oh, come on, sweety, it was just a role. It puts the lotion in the basket.”

Go Gaucho Gold
My beloved alma mater, U.C. Santa Barbara, offers a class in pornography. What is that final exam like?

Question 69:

In pornography, a scene ends with,

A, the money shot

B, the synthesizer music fading out,

C, the sad realization by the actors that their lives, morals and self esteem have been utterly wasted

D, all of the above.