It is hard out here

It so not gonna go on the down low to and fro, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

What the hell?
It’s happened again. Female teachers in Ohio and Colorado were charged with having sex with male students. When my teachers told me I had to hit that thing and hit it hard, they meant my homework.

Where was the love for Lex?
It’s happened again. Female teachers in Ohio and Colorado were charged with having sex with male students. This is more prevalent than we thought. In fact, it now seems hot high school female teachers have been having sex with every single male student except me. That stinks.  

Tale of two titles
The movie “Because I Said So” opened this weekend. “Because I Said So” is a romantic comedy starring Diane Keaton, “Because I Said So” is also a documentary of Donald Rumsfeld explaining his Iraq decisions.  

Bravo!
There was no football game this weekend, “Dream Girls” is in theaters, “Brokeback Mountain” is out on DVD and the talent show for “Grease” was on TV. Or as it is otherwise known, the Gay Trifecta.

Stats don’t lie
A survey from the readers of “Self” magazine reveals that 40% had not had sex in six months. And you won’t believe the numbers from the readers of “Self Love” magazine.  

Deadly title
The World’s oldest person, Mrs. Emma Tillman, died at 114 in Connecticut. That’s one title you don’t want. The title World’s Oldest Person has killed off more people than the title: Husband of Anna Nicole Smith.  

Hey guys, get a room
Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles are in Philadelphia. It was a little awkward, when Philadelphians saw Charles and Camilla they said; “I know this is the city of brotherly love but those guys are taking it too far.”

And we wonder still
Manchester United star Wayne Rooney, one of soccer’s toughest guys, when asked by the BBC what his taste in music is, replied “The musical “Oliver.” I can sing every tune.” And yet they still can’t figure out why Americans make fun of soccer players.

Fierce progress
“Grey’s Anatomy” co-star Isaiah Washington is undergoing gay sensitivity rehab after calling a co-star a gay slur. It is going pretty well. Today Isaiah was able to watch three shows on Bravo and order the Spinach quiche for lunch.

“Grey’s Anatomy” co-star Isaiah Washington is undergoing gay sensitivity rehab after calling a co-star a gay slur. This is a rough time for a guy to be in gay sensitivity rehab. Sunday, the Super Bowl will be on but the gay rehab TV will be tuned to Bravo’s “Project Runway.”

Don’t confuse the two
The Miss America pageant is tonight on CMT. Don’t confuse this with Donald Trump’s Miss USA pageant. There is a talent section in the Miss America that does not include doing Jello shots, groping hot women and getting pregnant.

That explains it
Nine Cincinnati Bengals have been arrested in the last nine months. This explains why Mike Tyson has been hired as a team consultant.

Sounds about right
There was no football game this weekend, “Dream Girls” is in theaters, “Brokeback Mountain” is out on DVD and the talent show for “Grease” was on NBC . Or as “Greys Anatomy” Isaiah Washington calls that, Gay therapy.

Since you asked:

Sure. I know what you’re asking.  You’re saying, T. Rex Lex, you old diggity dawhg, you, you picked the winners of the NFC and AFC championship, so who do you have in the big 41?

To that I have to say T. Rex Lex? Really? That’s all you can come up with?

Now remember, I am a huge Chicago Bears fan so I am biased.

But.

It will come down to the fact that the Bears have proven they can win when their quarterback, “T” Rex “Dude, you’re so” Grossman, has a bad day and the Colts cannot win on those rare days Peyton “Place” Manning “the post” has a bad day.

How many times has Peyton “Big ol’ baby head” Manning had a good day in a Super Bowl? Exactly. And Bear linebacker Brian “Your tackler” Urlacher was practically made in a laboratory to give Peyton Manning a bad day. A guy who can blitz, plug the run, and cover a receiver deep? Come on. Seriously, give me a “come on” one time. Thank you.

The Bears have a better running game and a better defense at stopping the run. If they can keep the Colts offense from wearing out the Bears defense with the no-huddle by feeding the porous Colts D – yes, I know they’ve done better lately but so what? – a steady diet of  Thomas “Casey” Jones and Cedric “The Entertainer” Benson with West-coast style shots out to their talented receivers Mushin “Moose on the loose” Muhammad and Bernard Berrian “enema” without too many interceptions, the Bears will not only win but win big.

Throw in the fact that Rex loves to heave her deep, that is asking a lot of the Colts D.

That taken with the fact that they are giving the Bears no love with a disrespectful seven point spread means you gotta take the Bears and get the seven points.

Remember it is not just turnovers that kill you. It is your negative or positive turnover ratio. You can be intercepted three times as long as your defense intercepts four.  

Oh, snap, dog, I really should charge hefty coinage for these pearls . . .