Thursday, June 29, 2006

It is hard out here

Step off wit’ yo’ good foot, now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

How hot is it?
It was so muggy yesterday, I was sweating like Anna Nicole Smith hearing that 75-year-old Warren Buffet was giving away $36 billion.

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
President Bush celebrated black music at the White House today; it was a little awkward, when President Bush was asked what he thought of the Blues, Bush said he preferred the red states.

Page turner
Author J.K. Rowling has revealed that two of the Harry Potter characters will die in the next adventure. Now, I don’t want to give anything away, but I think something happens when Albus Dumbledore goes quail hunting with evil lord Dick Cheney.

We are kaput
Billionaire Warren Buffet announced he is donating $35 billion to charities. There was an ugly moment after the 75-year old Buffet announced he was donating $35 billion, Anna Nicole Smith screamed that their engagement was off.

Not since then
During his 64th birthday, last Tuesday, Paul McCartney was reportedly depressed over the porn pictures and rumors of prostitution surrounding his ex-wife Heather Mills. Paul said it is the worst he’s ever felt without having to hear Yoko Ono sing.

Not good
The Chicago Cubs have lost eight games in a row at home. It has gotten so bad, the Cubs lost their last game to Ghana.

The good old days
A flight from to Puerto Rica had to be diverted after three women broke out in a drunken fist fight. What happened to the good old days when the drunkest people on the flight were the pilots?

A little different
Nicole Kidman married Keith Urban in Australia. Celebrity marriages in Australia are a little different, when they go down the toilet they swirl the opposite way.

“Superman Returns” opens this weekend. Superman decided to return because his caped powder blue suit was officially declared fashionable by “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.”

The gay magazine “The Advocate” claims the latest Superman is gay friendly and they may be right. Superman’s intro used to be: able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Now it is: able to redesign any loft in a single skip.

Now why would they say Superman is gay friendly? Just because a guy runs into public mens bathrooms to change into powder blue tights with red boots, underwear and a cape and they call him gay?

Speaking of gay
A study reveals that the cause of male gayness may be biological. Previously, it was believed that male gayness was caused by listening to Barbra Streisand albums while sitting on Ikea furniture.

Or something like that  
Brazil defeated Ghana 3-0 to easily advance in the World Cup in Germany; or as American sports fans describe it: that one team beat that other team at that place in that thing over there.  

Nut job
How about the video of the minor league manager going nuts? That guy was madder than Ann Coulter at a Dixie Chicks benefit concert for gay rights.