Tuesday, June 06, 2006

How we livin’ up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Makes sense
Anna Nicole Smith announced that she is pregnant. Anna doesn’t care if it is a girl or a boy just as long as the father is rich and old.

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget
President Bush has said that he is opposed to the Spanish version of the National Anthem. It was a little awkward when Bush went on say that he thought it is enough that our National Anthem begins with a shout-out to that Mexican fella, Jose Canusee.

Get it?
President Bush is serious about cracking down on illegal immigrants from Mexico; Bush said he won’t be happy with the immigrant crackdown until Juan is the loneliest number.

Get it again?
Paris Hilton has a new CD which Paris said combines hip hop and pop songs. Music experts, however, say Paris’s album combines Country and Rap, or as we call that, Crap.

Might want to wait
President Bush is giving a speech to launch a bill to ban gay marriages; in short, if you are a gay Mexican couple planning to migrate to the US to get married, now may not be the best time.

That sounds about right
For the first time, Britney Spears is no longer the most Googled person, it is now porn star Jenna Jameson. The difference between them is Jenna gets paid to lie around and have sex while Britney is married to someone who gets paid to lie around and have sex.

Royal hosing
In baseball, the Kansas City Royals are 14 and 40. This team is so bad even the Chicago Cubs are making fun of them.

The Royals are so bad, today commissioner Bud Selig ordered Barry Bonds to send them a case of Steroids.

The Kansas City Royals are so bad that, yesterday, at the top of the third inning, a New York Knicks game broke out.

Not good
According to odds makers, the U.S. Soccer team has only a 1 in 80 chance of winning the World Cup; to give you an idea how tough 80-to-1 is, Kevin Federline and Britney Spears have a better chance to win; “Parents of the Year.”

Nice change
San Diego had its annual Rock and Roll marathon Sunday. It’s a marathon with dozens and dozens of bands playing along the course. For a change you get to see people running from a band that doesn’t have Michael Bolton singing in it.

The price oil of is out the roof, the stock market went in the tank, illegal immigrants are getting deported and gay marriage is going to be unconstitutional. How’d you like to trade places with a gay-married illegal Mexican stock broker who drives a Hummer?