Thursday, May 25, 2006

It is hard out here

We gonna lay down the lay down on this here hizzy, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Courtroom scene
Enron chief Kenneth Lay was found guilty of all counts of fraud and will go to prison. There was an awkward moment when Lay stood up and screamed at the judge;

“I am still the president of Iraq, you have no authority over me.”

And, trust me, the last thing anyone wants is to be sent to prison with the last name Lay.

That should do it
Clay Aiken sang on the last “American Idol.” Clay changed his old spiky red hair style to a sassy dyed brown shag cut. Yeah, that should put a stop to all the gay rumors.

Back in the day
On this day in 1787, the Constitutional Convention began; things were different back then, they didn’t have freezers, Congressmen had to pack their bribes in salt.

Where is Wheezy?
Louisiana congressman William Jefferson was taped accepting $100,000 in bribes, the FBI found $90,000 of it in his freezer. So what? It’s not like Louisiana needs the money to rebuild or anything.

Louisiana congressman William Jefferson was taped accepting $100,000 in bribes, the FBI found $90,000 in his freezer. Now Jefferson says the raid was illegal. Give the guy credit, what he lacks in morals and brains he makes up for in testicles.

That’s a lot of ugly scratch
The ugly bright purple jacket that Taylor Hicks wore on “American Idol” retails for over $1,600. That’s the most anyone’s paid to look hideous since Joan River’s last face lift.

Got that in order
63 Million people voted for the “American Idol” winner, Taylor Hicks, more votes than any U.S. president has ever received. Well, at least we have our priorities straight.

American Idle
Taylor Hicks was the winner of “American Idol.” It was a great night. Prince performed, Clay Aiken showed up, Taylor Hicks left that nasty purple jacket in the closet.

I don’t want to say the bright purple jacket Taylor Hicks wore Tuesday night was gay, but when Taylor took that jacket out of the closet, it came out of the closet.

It was a wild night last night for Taylor Hicks, he won “American Idol” and that nasty purple jacket he wore the night before came out of the closet.

Taylor Hicks won “American Idol.” Now the only “American Idol” questions that remain are what the hell is Paula Abdul on and what was the deal with Taylor Hicks purple jacket?

Taylor Hicks has won “American Idol” so here is some advice on how to make it big: Taylor, work hard, follow your heart and stop stealing gay purple jackets out of Elton John’s closet

Just a beautiful day. To give you and idea how nice it was here in Los Angeles, they decided to show Al Gore’s global warming documentary outside at the drive in instead of inside a theater.

Other than that
Critics say that Madonna’s Los Angeles shows at the Forum were great. There were a few glitches. Like the time Madonna fell off her horse and guest performer Keith Richards fell out of a coconut tree.

Keef in paradise
Keith Richards is home in Connecticut after he fell out of a coconut tree and hit his head. Keith Richards lives in conservative Connecticut? Can’t you just hear Keith’s neighbors?

“Gee-willickers, Muffy, a pirate just broke into the house next door.”

Connecticut doesn’t exactly scream rock and roll. In fact the closest thing to a groupie in Connecticut is an aroma therapist who makes house calls.

Too busy
This has been a very exciting NBA playoff year with all the games going to seven games and most of those games down to the last seconds. It has been so exciting that NBA players haven’t even had time to father illegitimate children.

Assist with Janice Hough
I don’t want to say that Clay Aiken and his impersonator looked gay, but together they made Ryan Seacrest look like Barry Bonds

Since you asked:
OK, this is pretty cute. As I have whined before, we have guys working on our house. The tile guy was just on the outside of the fence by the garage, cutting tile. Inside the fence, Wrigley and Kasey were monitoring him closely. Wrigley was sitting on his haunches with his big, goofy head tilted way to the left so he could see out of the crack between the gate and wall.

It was like that scene in “Forrest Gump” where Forrest sits down with little Forest to watch TV and they both tilt their head to the left at the same time. And, as I know too well, if Wrigley were to talk, his first words after “Can I eat now?” would be;

“I’m not a smart dog. But I know what love is.”